


Verité

by Hunter_Of_Artemis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Jily, Getting Together, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-14 17:38:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17512970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hunter_Of_Artemis/pseuds/Hunter_Of_Artemis
Summary: James is in love with Lily, Sirius is adamant he's been in love, Remus is trying not to notice, and Peter has news.





	1. Chapter 1

#  Verité 

###  Chapter 1 

‘Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Moony, I think I’m dying. She’s finally killed me!’ 

James Potter had just stormed into the sixth year boys’ dormitory. 

Remus looked up from his book, a sympathetic, if unsurprised look on his face. Sirius, who was sat by the window frowning at his own book, _Hogwarts: A History,_ did not look up. 

James ran to Remus’s bed and started banging his head on one of the four poster pillars while groaning theatrically. 

‘I’m sure it wasn’t that bad, Prongs’ Remus suggested. He reached up and patted James’ shoulder. 

‘Oh no! It was, it was that bad.’ 

Sirius sighed audibly but the other two boys ignored him. 

‘Tell me what happened’ Remus said, pulling James away from the pillar. 

‘She’s agreed to go with David Abbott to Hogsmeade this weekend. After I had asked her and all she did was laugh in my face. Ugh Moony, doesn’t she know how much I love her? Doesn’t she know she’s breaking my heart over and’

Sirius slammed his book shut, cutting off James.  
‘Merlin’s beard man, will you grow a pair and fucking shut up. You like Lily, we know, we get it! You’ve only told us a million times.’

‘I don’t just like her, Padfoot, I ...’

‘If I have to listen to you tell me you love her one more time, I’m going to go downstairs right now and tell her about the Astronomy Tower Incident.’

James looked stricken. ‘Oh Padfoot, you just don’t get it. Just cos you’ve never been in love, you don’t know what it’s like.’ James sighed sitting backwards onto Lupin’s bed, his head in his hands. Remus patted him again. 

‘Who says I’ve never been in love?’ 

James and Remus’s eyes both flicked up to Sirius, neither of them expecting this.

‘What?’ said Remus. 

‘You’ve never been in love!’ snorted James. ‘It doesn’t count when it’s your own reflection, Black.’

‘I have too!’ retorted Sirius. ‘With... with...’

He hesitated, his eyes flicking from James to Remus, clearly scrabbling to think of a plausible name. His eyes settled back on James looking smug.

‘With Remus.’

James snorted so hard he banged his head on the pillar again but even the bang didn’t stop him laughing. Remus, on the other hand, rolled his eyes, although the corners of his mouth did twitch up at the edges. 

‘Piss off, Padfoot.’ Remus sounded long-suffering.

‘Oh Moony! Love of my life! Say you’ll go with me to Hogsmeade this weekend. Don’t take smelly Davey Abbott. Take me, heart of mine. Come here, little Moonykins, give me a kiss with those beautiful, only slightly furry, lips’. And with that Sirius dived for Remus, landing squarely on top of him. Remus struggled with him, covering his head with his arms as Sirius, with comically pursed lips tried to pry them away from his face.

‘Gerroff! Gerroff!’ came Remus’s muffled cry as he tried to uproot Sirius. 

‘Ouch!’ cried James as one of Remus’s flailing legs hit him and pushed him off the bed and thumped onto the floor. ‘OUCH!’ he cried again as a tangle of elbows, knees and shaggy black hair crashed on top of him. 

Lupin untangled himself first, standing and picking up his book. 

Sirius whimpered. ‘I think you split my lip Moony’ his tone was complaining but his eyes sparkled.  
‘I see your love for me ended as quickly as it began, Black’, Remus said turning to leave. ‘I’ll try not to cry myself to sleep’. 

***

Peter came rushing up to them at dinner, clearly bursting to tell them the news. 

‘You’ll never guess what!’ Peter said slightly breathlessly. His face was flushed and he looked supremely pleased with himself. 

‘Your balls finally dropped?’ drawled Sirius cruelly. James snickered but Remus’s mouth stayed straight. Sirius sometimes liked to assert his place at the top of the pecking order, usually at Peter’s expense. 

Not even Sirius’s remark could put a damper on Peter today though. ‘No, listen’ he said sliding into the seat next to James. 

‘I was just going to see McGonagall about the essay I have to redo and she was in there dictating a letter. And anyway, I thought she was talking to someone so I just kinda hovered by the door cos I didn’t want to interrupt or anything. Anyway, then I realised the scratchy sound was a quill and no-one was answering so ...’

‘Get to the bloody point Wormtail,’ said James. 

It was a bit unfair of Sirius and James to try and take this from Peter, Remus thought. It was so rarely Peter who brought news to the group or had something exciting to share.

‘There’s going to be a Quidditch Tournament!’ he announced triumphantly.

‘What?’ asked James. Sirius rolled his eyes and resumed his attempts to transfigure his Black crest ring into a Gryffindor lion. 

‘No, listen’ Peter was slightly crestfallen, the news clearly wasn’t going as well as he had expected. ‘it’s an _inter-school_ quidditch tournament, with Beauxbatons and, the other one, you know, the dark one.’

‘Durmstrang,’ said Sirius. His voice still sounded bored but Remus could tell he was interested. He’d stopped looking at his ring for one thing. 

‘Woaaaah.’ Said James, clearly imagining the glories that awaited him. ‘Inter-school quidditch. Like those old Tri-Wizard Tournaments they used to have.’

‘Hopefully with fewer people dying though.’ Said Remus dryly.

‘Not if Durmstrang has anything to do with it!’ Sirius laughed his sudden bark-like laugh. ‘Ha! This is great! Good work Wormtail. You’ll be a Marauder yet.’

Peter looked pleased if a little unsure if Sirius had been complimenting him.

‘I don’t know why you’re so pleased Padfoot. Not like you’ll be playing,’ pointed out James.

He had a point, Remus thought. Sirius wasn’t on the Gryffindor quidditch team. Not that he couldn’t have been if he had wanted. Sirius was an excellent flyer and he would probably have loved whacking bludgers at Slytherins, but as soon as it became clear James was better, Sirius had just stopped trying, he hadn’t even tried out when a space came up. That was just how they worked, If Sirius was slightly better than James at something it became his thing, if James was better, it was his thing. It didn’t leave much room for anyone else thought Remus slightly bitterly. His thing, he supposed, was turning into a monster once a month, either that or reading. Peter’s thing, well Peter must have a thing, Remus’s mind couldn’t grasp on anything though. All he could think was what Sirius’s mocking, slightly cruel answers would be if he ever asked him. Either way, Quidditch was definitely James’ thing. 

‘Don’t have to be on a broom to promote proper inter-school collegiality Prongs,’ Sirius’s eyes danced. ‘Beauxbatons girls are heavenly.’

James’ eyes widened. ‘Oh! Yeah’ He said, clearly adding a new dimension to his fantasy. 

‘Ha!’ Sirius’s bark again. ‘Glad to see you aren’t immune to the thought of beautiful girls. Aren’t you meant to be hopelessly heartbroken over the latest Evans/Abbott development?’

James smiled unabashedly. ‘Well, a man can only pine so long. Anyway, aren’t you supposed to be madly in love with our very own Moony?’

Remus groaned loudly and stood to leave. 

‘Oh Moony knows all he has to do is say the word and I’m his. Isn’t that right love of my life, honey of my heart, object of my most ardent desire, dearest apple of my eye, heartstring of my wand...’

Remus hurried out of the Great Hall groaning with Sirius chasing after shouting increasingly ridiculous and increasingly loud endearments. 

Peter watched them go, looking bewildered. 

‘Don’t ask’ said James helping himself to another heap of mashed potato. 

***

The news of the tournament spread quickly throughout the school so that by the time Dumbledore announced it two weeks later on a blustery October evening no-one was shocked.

‘I see the tournament was not one of Hogwarts’ best kept secrets,’ said Dumbledore good-naturedly. ‘Well then I hope you’ve all been using this time to practice, try-outs, led by our charming Madam Hooch,’ Dumbledore tipped his hat to the prim witch at the far end of the table ‘will be held a week on Saturday. The Hogwarts team will be comprised of students from every house.’ Loud groans erupted from the Slytherin and Gryffindor tables. ‘Hexing or in anyway hindering possible team-mates’ here Dumbledore looked directly at James ‘will be punished most severely.’

‘Try-outs?’ moaned James to the when Dumbledore sat back down. ‘if I have to play on the same team as Mulciber I’ll... uuuuuuurrrrgggh.’

‘You surely weren’t expecting to have just Gryffindors representing Hogwarts?’ asked Remus reasonably.

‘Why not?’ replied James grinning and ruffling up his hair as he took his head out of his hands ‘We are the Champions!’ 

‘That was last year, before half your team left school.’ Gwenog Jones, the outstanding Hufflepuff Captain had overheard their conversation. ‘I’d like to see you take us on now.’

‘Come off it, Jones, we could take you lot any day.’ James retorted. 

‘Ha!’ said Gwenog, imperiously, turned away from the Gryffindor table, and left.

‘So, who d’ you reckon will make the team then?’ Peter asked after Gwenog was gone.

James looked deeply interested in the question: ‘Well, Keeper will obviously be Fawley she’s by far the best in the school. Beaters, Jones. She’s a bit of a snotty bitch but she’s a cracking beater. And then, maybe Withy, yeah she’s only a second year but she’s pretty great, and she’s a Gryffindor. Seeker....’

‘Just as long as it’s not my darling brother Reggie. The little basted looked pretty absorbed while Dumbledore was talking.’

Sirius shot a look of deep antipathy at his brother who sat a few tables over surrounded by his Slytherin friends and laughing at some, clearly hilarious, joke. Remus felt Sirius bristle next to him.  
‘It could be you know,’ James continued, not one for tact where quidditch was concerned. ‘He’s not a bad seeker to be honest. Better than Travers at any rate. You know he didn’t catch the snitch a single time last year. Could be McNulty though as well, he’s pretty good. Now, chasers, probably Spinnet, and then either Puddifoot or Mulciber.’ James’s lip curled with a look of distaste as he said the Slytherin chaser’s name. 

‘That’s only six.’ Said Peter. ‘Fawley, Jones, Withy, maybe Regulus, Spinnet, Puddifoot or Mulciber’

‘And me, idiot!’ James announced with his usual good natured arrogance.

‘Oh right, yes, of course’ blustered Peter. 

‘Who do you reckon they’ll make captain?’ asked Sirius.

‘Jones’ 

Remus had spoken before the rest of them had opened their mouths. He instantly realised his blunder. Peter looked shocked, James a tad hurt and Sirius, well Sirius looked dashing handsome with his black hair falling in front of his eyes, but Remus tried not to notice that. ‘I don’t mean that James doesn’t deserve it’, Remus explained. ‘it’s just that Gwenog is such a safe choice. She’s an excellent Quidditch player, she’s an experienced captain, she never gets into any trouble, and she’s a Hufflepuff so everyone’s a bit indifferent to her.’

‘But James is the better flyer’ interjected Peter

‘They’d be stupid not to pick Jones’, Sirius interrupted Peter. ‘It’s got nothing to do with who’s the better flyer Wormtail.’

***

The week until the try-outs passed fairly uneventfully. James took Dumbledore’s warning to heart and even refrained from retaliating when Snape caught him with a nose hair hex outside of Slughorn’s classroom. Though that might have been because Lily was there. Since the scene by the lake last summer, James was trying to act less ‘pig-headed’ while Lily was around. The try-outs were all the school could talk about and the pitch was constantly booked out with hopefuls getting in some last minute training. Sirius dusted off his old broom (when it was new, several years ago now, it was one of the most expensive brooms around, with a Black crest carved into the handle) and whacked bludger after bludger at James so he could practice shooting under pressure. 

When Saturday finally came, the winds that had been howling for the best part of a week died away. It was bright, crisp and clear, a perfect day for quidditch. The boys had breakfast together, and wished James luck as he hurried down to the pitch to sign up for try-outs with the rest of the Gryffindor quidditch team, promising to come down and watch when the flying actually got underway around noon. Remus and Peter set off for the library, planning on finishing some charms homework for Flitwick. Sirius, who never did any work until the night before it was due, didn’t join them, but agreed to meet them in the entrance hall later.

Twelve o’clock came and went and still Sirius hadn’t arrived. Peter was getting antsy, checking his watch every two seconds, and repeating that maybe Sirius had already gone on down. It was driving Remus crazy. Ten past twelve, he sent Peter on ahead and set off for Gryffindor Tower to look for Sirius. 

Remus eventually found him, curled up on their dormitory floor by the window, the map open beside him, reading _Hogwarts: A History._

‘Sirius!’ Remus called as he came, breathlessly into the dorm. ‘There you are!’

Sirius barely looked up. ‘Come here Moony, look at this. I think we’re missing something on the fourth floor.’ 

‘Never mind about that! It’s almost half past twelve. The whole school is down at the pitch.’  
‘Oh.’ Sirius said, ‘James will hardly notice us then. Come here.’

‘No, listen.’ Remus ran over to Sirius. ‘you can do this later, come ooooon!’ 

Sirius finally looked up at him, smirking. 

‘Well isn’t this a bit of role reversal? Not so much fun watching someone else read is it.’

Remus smiled acknowledging it. ‘You know if you spent half as much time studying as you did on that map, you’d probably have sat your NEWTs by now. But instead, what did you get in your last Charms essay again, a T?’ 

Sirius grinned. ‘Don’t be jealous Moonykins, you know it was an E.’

‘Fine but, come on!’ Remus glanced at his watch and groaned. ‘It’s past half past twelve now.’

‘Make me.’ Sirius said not making any effort to get up.

‘Don’t think I won’t,’ threatened Remus. 

Sirius raised a single eyebrow and Remus lunged for the book. He grabbed it and tugged with all his might but Sirius held on and the boys struggled with it. _The pages are going to get all torn_ tutted a little voice in Remus’s head but he had learnt not to listen to it over the years of being friends with James and Sirius. Then, all of a sudden, Sirius let go. Remus, who had been leaning back to pull harder went flying backwards and landed hard on the floor. 

Sirius, still grinning, got to his feet. ‘Come on then, we better go, James’ll kill us if we miss it.’ Remus groaned and took Sirius’s offered hand to pull himself up. 

Standing up, he suddenly realised how close he was to Sirius, their faces only a few inches apart. Remus looked into his friend’s grey eyes. ‘Hi’ he said stupidly. Sirius raised his eyebrows. ‘Hi.’ Remus knew he should look away, move away. Friends didn’t do this right? Friends didn’t stare into each others eyes. _Just don’t_ – but even as he thought it, his eyes flicked down to Sirius’s lips. Shit shit shit. They flicked up again. Sirius cocked his head to one side slightly and seemed to consider Remus for a second. Remus could feel his heart beating somewhere near his throat. Then very slowly, almost lazily, Sirius scanned his eyes down to Remus’s lips and back again. He should have known Sirius would mock him, only, this didn’t actually feel like mocking, it felt more like, _was this flirting?_ Sirius slowly leaned forward, towards Remus who, in a dream, closed his eyes...

Sirius licked him. His tongue starting just below Remus’s chin, going straight up over Remus’s lips and then his nose.

‘Arrgh!’ Remus yelled, jumping back and wiping his mouth and face furiously. ‘You disgusting! Slobbering! Foul! Animal!’ 

Sirius had transformed into Padfoot and sat, his tail wagging rapidly, his mouth slightly open with his tongue, panting, hanging out, looking as close to laughing as a dog could. 

Remus patted him on the head, resignedly. ‘Who’s a gross, stinky, slobbery boy??’ Padfoot bounded up and toward the door. 

‘You can’t go like that!’ Remus called and Sirius reluctantly changed back and bounded, in boy form, down the stairs. 

On the walk down to the quidditch pitch Sirius talked nonstop, complaining that he couldn’t be a dog. It was a beautiful autumn day, and the stormy winds had blown big piles of leaves throughout the grounds already: perfect dog conditions. Remus tried to be sympathetic. He wasn’t aware of any reason that he couldn’t become an Animagi, but he’d seen his patronus and was pretty sure he knew what he’d become, and he spent enough time as a wolf as it was. But he wasn’t really listening anyway. His mind kept drifting back to the dormitory and Sirius’s stormy grey eyes and Sirius’s slightly dry, slightly parted lips. 

Although it was nearly one o’clock by the time they made it down to the stands, Madam Hooch had only just finished Seeker try-outs. Sirius groaned when he saw Regulus had made the team. But they didn’t have long to dwell on it as Chaser try-outs began. James flew well and, along with the Hufflepuff Spinnet and Ravenclaw Puddifoot, joined Regulus in the team. James was proven right about beaters as well when both Jones and Withy were chosen. Not many students even bothered to try out for Keeper against Ravenclaw’s excellent Keeper Fawley, who saved all ten of the penalties the new chasers aimed at her. 

As the sun was setting, Sirius, Remus, and Peter trudged back up to the castle. After dinner Remus hurried up to the dormitories ahead of the others to start on his Charms essay. On the floor lay _Hogwarts: A History_. Remus picked it up, his fingers curled slowly around the worn cover and he smiled to himself as he placed it back on Sirius’s bed.


	2. Chapter 2

‘Yes, there. I’m sure of it.’ The boys were stood opposite a mirror at the end of a small corridor on the fourth floor. Sirius was holding _Hogwarts: A History_ open while glancing at the map Remus was holding open next to him.

‘Lets have a look then,’ decided James getting his wand out. _‘Aparecium’_ A pause _‘Revelio’_

Nothing happened. He started tapping around the mirror with his wand.

‘Move aside,’ Sirius drawled, putting down the book and getting out his wand. _‘Revelio Incantatem.’_

Again nothing happened. James snickered so Peter did too. 

‘Are you sure of this, Pads?’ James asked.

Sirius scowled. Remus was scanning the walls either side for anything that seemed out of place, pushing the stones that protruded oddly and tapping them with his wand. 

Ten minutes later and there was still no sign of a passageway. James was getting bored, Peter stood holding the invisibility cloak, and even Remus had given up. Sirius was still inspecting the mirror, slowly scanning it, his nose just an inch from the glass. 

‘Come on Pads. There’s nothing here, let’s go. I’ve got training in the morning anyway.’ James took the cloak from Peter and flung it over the two of them. ‘Moony’

Remus turned and took an edge of the cloak and pulled it over himself, feeling a bit bad for Sirius. It wasn’t often Sirius actually tried at anything. Now that he had, and failed, he was going to be moodier than ever. 

‘Pads!’ James said again, holding out a bit of cloak. Sirius growled, kicked the wall and tried to prise the mirror off the wall violently. 

There was a loud click, and the mirror opened slightly. Sirius whooped and pulled it open. It was a simple door on hinges, nothing magical about it. Remus beamed, Peter applauded, and James threw off the cloak and ran forward. 

Behind the mirror was a large room, like an antechamber. There were torches on the walls, everlasting fire casting dancing shadows around the room. ‘Woah’, James breathed as he entered the chamber. 

On the floor were old carpets and more torches. These ones, thankfully, not lit. Remus also spotted a muggle flashlight. ‘What is this place?’ He whispered.

The mirror swung shut behind them as Peter climbed inside. ‘Cool’ he squeaked. 

‘This must be the passageway then’. James said, staring at far wall. Half way along it was an ornate, ancient looking archway. Old words, unreadable now because they had half crumbled away, were written in stone across the top. Beyond the archway, it was pitch black, almost sinisterly dark. 

‘Come on then’ James said again and muttered _Lumos_ under his breath. He strode to the archway and reached his lit wand up to see inside. It was still too dark, so James, slightly tentatively reached through the archway. Something strange happened. As soon as his wand and arm crossed the boundary of the archway, they were enveloped by the darkness but when he drew his hand out again the wand was still lit.

‘Goodness!’ said Peter, not really one for swearwords. 

‘Let’s try these, Prongs’ and Remus strode to one of the walls and grabbed a torch from its bracket. ‘I guess that’s why they’re here.’

But the torches didn’t work either, and neither did the muggle flashlight, which was already struggling from a rapidly dying battery. It seemed the darkness was total, impenetrable, anything they tried was simply engulfed into darkness.

‘Nothing for it, boys.’ James finally said. ‘Seems harmless enough, and we are Marauders aren’t we?’

The others looked less sure but James grinned at them all. ‘Pussies,’ he said and turned on his heels and stepped into the darkness. 

Peter, who was used to following James everywhere, transformed into a rat, a habit of his when he was scared, and scuttled hurriedly after James. 

‘I guess we better go then,’ Remus said to Sirius, took a deep breath and followed. He could almost feel the darkness envelope him. It was like nothing he’d ever been in before. For starters, it was completely, utterly, pitch black. He couldn’t see his own hand even as he raised to just an inch from his face. The air felt different, somehow – heavy, almost soupy. This was a dense sort of darkness. Remus took a few steps forward, realising he should probably catch up with James and Peter. 

‘Oi!’ Remus had taken less than two steps and promptly crashed into James. ‘Pads!’

‘No it’s me’, Remus said, ‘Sirius is just coming.’ 

‘I’m here,’ came Sirius’s voice, a bit strained, directly behind Remus. 

‘I’ve felt around a bit,’ James said, ‘just seems to be normal stone walls, quite narrow. It’ll have to be single file. I reckon, Peter should, Peter?’ 

Peter squeaked somewhere ahead of them to confirm he was listening.

‘I reckon Peter should scurry along the walls as we go and if it branches you’ll have to tell us so we don’t get lost. Ok?’

Peter squeaked in the affirmative and set off. 

The boys followed, first James, then Remus, and bringing up the rear, Sirius. Remus could here Sirius’s breathing behind him. Short, ragged, frightened breaths. Of course, how could Remus have forgotten, Sirius hated the dark. He’d told them all way back in second year. His mother used to lock him in cupboard at Grimmauld Place when he was little if he had displeased her. Sometimes, for a special treat, as Sirius put it, she’d give him a Boggart for company. 

‘Sirius... Sirius...’ Remus whispered, ‘are you ok?’

Sirius mumbled that he was fine, but not ten steps further he tripped over something and hissed, barely audible. 

‘Remus, Remus.’

Remus turned back to him.

‘I’m here.’

‘Wait for me, Remus, wait for me.’ His voice sounded anxious and scared.

‘I’m right here, Pads.’

Remus felt Sirius reach out and clumsily touch his shoulder. Sirius’s hands felt down Remus’s arm and took hold of his hand. Remus blushed, but of course, it was too dark for anyone to notice. They said nothing and set off again to catch up with James who was calling for them. They walked hand in hand now. Remus still in front, somewhat awkwardly holding Sirius’s hand as he came behind.

As they walked on, the boys falling silent in the pitch black. The only sounds, Sirius’s short sharp breaths and Peter’s feet going scatter scatter scatter on the stone floor. The darkness pressed heavily onto Remus and, as his senses numbed, he became acutely aware of Sirius’s hand in his own. His hand was slimmer than Remus’s, but his fingers longer, and – Remus ran his thumb slowly across it – much smoother. Try as he might to get them dirty or build up rough patches, Sirius’s hands were such a dead giveaway of his pure blood status. They must breed in pale, smooth, blemish free skin as part of the package, Remus thought wryly. Wandering through this black fog holding Sirius’s hand, listening to him breathe, Remus felt like he was in a dream. In one of his best dreams, that would leave him anxious and guilty in the morning, but never really had consequences in the real world. The dream-feeling was probably why he did it, shifting his hand in Sirius’s and sliding his fingers between the other boy’s until they were clasped. He half expected Sirius to pull away, or laugh at him, but he didn’t, he just held on and kept walking until…

‘I’m out, I’m out!’ 

At long last came Peter’s call. Sirius let go of Remus’s hand as though it was on fire. And James, Remus, and finally Sirius emerged from the tunnel. They were standing just outside a railway tunnel next to Hogsmeade Railway Station. The passageway had led them almost to the village. 

‘Chuck us the map then Moony,’ James said, getting out his wand.

‘You can add it to the map, but I can safely say, I am never going through that tunnel again.’ said Sirius, not looking at Remus. ‘I’m going back via the shack. That place was intense.’ 

‘Yeah,’ James agreed. He crouched down, opened the map, muttered that he was up to no good and got to work drawing on the new passageway and laying spell after spell on top. 

‘I wouldn’t mind going back,’ Peter said. ‘It wasn’t so bad once you were used to it.’

‘Shut up, Wormtail,’ snapped Sirius. ‘Of course you liked it, you’re a rat. You’re meant to like dark, underground tunnels.’

‘Yeah I was a rat.’ replied Peter, looking at once excited and a bit nervous. ‘And rats have good hearing.’ He broke into a terrible impression of Sirius. ‘Oh Remus, Remus, wait for me. Wait for me.’  
James guffawed, and looked up from the map. Remus felt himself blushing again, fairly violently. Sirius glared at Peter. 

‘I said shut up, Wormtail.’ He said the name like an insult, drawing it out in his most Family Black drawl. Peter, however, was not going to let this chance go. He started dancing around from leg to leg, pretending to be scared, crying ‘Remus, Remus, you have to save me, protect me, Remus.’ He kept glancing at James who was now beside himself laughing. 

Remus’s eyes flicked to Sirius, who, to be fair, could normally take it, but this time his grey eyes were glaring angrily at Peter. ‘That’s enough now, Peter,’ Remus began to say but, too late, Sirius’s wand was out and there was a flash of blue light. 

Peter stopped hopping. ‘Oh no.’ He said it softly, his hands jumping to his crotch. ‘Oh no,’ he said again, and Remus could see a wet stain growing, trickling down his leg, and then forming a puddle on the floor. James laughed even harder. ‘Come on Pads, take a joke,’ he called good naturedly at Sirius stormed off in the direction of the Shack. 

Remus sighed. ‘Now he’s going to be in a sulk for days.’ And pointing his wand at Peter who was standing there helplessly, red in the face with piss still dripping onto the floor. _‘Scourgify._ Come on then, we should go too.’ And the three of them, James still chuckling, set off back to the castle.

***

But Remus’s prediction didn’t come true. Although Sirius had already gone to bed and drawn his curtains by the time the three other Marauders had returned to the dormitory, Remus awoke the following morning to an extremely excited Sirius jumping on James to wake him up. 

‘Wake up. Look at this.’ 

Groaning, James allowed himself to be dragged out of bed and to the window. 

‘Oh man!’ he said. 

Intrigued, Remus and Peter hurried over to the window. Outside on the lawn two enormous tents had been erected. Or maybe tents was the wrong word – small canvas castles described them more accurately. One even appeared to have a tower. 

‘Those must be for Beauxbatons and Durmstrang,’ said James excitedly. 

Sure enough, he was right. Later that day McGonnagal announced the Gryffindors that the two visiting teams would arrive on Friday with a welcome feast in their honour. 

***

At seven o’clock on Friday evening, the four boys hurried down to the Great Hall, finding a spot at the far end of Gryffindor table. James almost forced some first years to move so they had a better view but Lily eyed him sternly so he let them be. 

The Great Hall was decorated in Hogwarts colours and someone had lit a roaring fire in the fireplace giving the hall a welcoming, cosy atmosphere. The students buzzed excitedly but settled down quickly as Dumbledore rose to speak. 

‘Students, fellow teachers, ghosts, tonight we gather to welcome our visitors. Friendship, fellowship, and comradery, even between different houses and different schools, are sure to be needed-‘

‘How do you reckon they’ll arrive?’ Sirius’s muttered words distracted Remus from listening to Dumbledore.

‘Apparate?’ said Peter.

‘no – Floo, look!’ said James, and sure enough the roaring fire transformed into dancing green, shining an emerald glow around the Great Hall. 

‘Ah, our guests arrive,’ pronounced Dumbledore. 

Out of the green flames walked a tall, gangly man, with a pinched looking face and thick glasses followed by around ten students in deep red robes. 

‘Professor Ukatov and the Durmstrang Quidditch Team,’ beamed, Dumbledore, ‘Welcome, welcome, welcome.’

Behind the Durmstrang team, the flames shot green again. 

‘And here comes Beauxbatons.’

Sirius sat up a little straighter. 

The Durmstrang students parted, revealing a middle-aged witch with tightly curled black hair, flecked with grey. Behind her seven smartly dressed students in expensive looking, blue silk robes strode into the Great Hall.

As Dumbledore welcomed the guests and summoned an extra table for them, Sirius leaned closer to James. 

‘Those three at the end are alright’, he commented, looking at three tall girls who must have been around their age. ‘The blonde one has good lips.’

James nodded his agreement. ‘That curly haired one’s pretty nice too. I bet she’s their seeker’  
Remus had to agree, the three girls were fairly striking. The one Sirius liked had blonde hair and smooth, pale skin and, Remus noted, an expression like she felt she was rather to good for the surroundings. The curly haired one had dark skin and striking dark eyes, she was very lithe and looked like she’d be quick on a broom. The third had long black hair and was surveying the room cooly. 

‘Look Peter’, drawled Sirius, ‘that one’s the perfect height for you.’ He nodded in the direction of their smallest player. A tiny, skinny girl who can’t have been older than thirteen. 

‘No thanks!’ squeaked Peter.

‘Do you reckon the girls sit around and ogle guys like this?’ asked James, now looking down the Gryffindor table at Lily. 

‘Worried about Evans, Prongs?’ Sirius smiled.

‘Well just look at that one. He’s enormous, must be a beater with arms like those.’

Remus followed James’s gaze and saw a Beauxbatons boy who was far broader and more well-built than any teenage boy had a right to be. 

Sirius laughed. ‘He’s got nothing on me.’

‘You don’t get arms like that from the sort of beating you’re an expert in, Pads,’ joked Remus. 

Sirius grinned at him. ‘Is that a thinly veiled reference to self-abuse, Moony? How vulgar! Anyway,’ Sirius turned back to the Beauxbatons boy. ‘Arms or not, I have better hair than him and a much better face. That one looks like he’s had a bludger or two too many to the nose.’

The boy did indeed have a nose that looked decidedly broken but, Remus noted, that hardly made him ugly. In fact, it gave him a bit more character to his face rendering him pretty good-looking.

‘You are such an arse,’ remarked James. 

‘It’s true,’ replied Sirius and Remus couldn’t help but agree. ‘Isn’t it Moony?’

‘What?!’ said Remus sharply, startled out of his thoughts. 

Sirius was looking straight at him. 

‘Well let’s put it this way, if you were a girl Moony, would you rather shag me or Beauxbatons’ burly beater?’ 

Remus prayed he wasn’t blushing and tried to look nonchalantly between the two boys. ‘It’s a tough choice, of course, but it’ll have to be the beater. Fleas would only be the start of the horrors I’d catch from shagging you.’

James and Peter laughed and Sirius smirked but he raised his eyebrows in a cocky, disbelieving way that made Remus’s stomach flip and he hurriedly looked away and back to Dumbledore. 

*** 

The feast over, the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students made their way to the tents and the boys hurried up to Gryffindor Tower. James talking impatiently about the first match, Hogwarts vs Beauxbatons on the first weekend in December. With the prospect of another full moon before then and at least three essays set for them so far, Remus was less excited by the speed the term seemed to be going.   
Back at the Common Room, Remus picked up his Transfiguration essay to start but his gaze followed the others who made their way over to the sofas by the fire. Remus pushed his essay back in his bag. Well, Remus thought, it wasn’t the full moon for another week and they had a whole weekend to get started on those essays. Instead, he grabbed his well-eared copy of Practical Defensive Magic : Volume 1 and went over to the fire. Sirius was stretched out on the sofa nearest him. 

‘D’you mind?’ Remus said, prodding Sirius’s legs with his book. Instead of moving, Sirius simply lifted his legs to allow Remus to sit down and then stretched back out again, his legs thrown nonchalantly over Remus’s lap. Remus smiled into his book, and started a new chapter: ‘Defensive Charms and When to Use Them’.


	3. Chapter 3

Remus woke early. His limbs ached and a scratchy blanket covered him. Something tickled his face. It was Padfoot’s whiskers. The big black dog was curled up next to him, keeping him warm in the Shrieking Shack. The dog stirred and looked up at Remus with its big eyes. 

‘Morning Padfoot. All clear last night?’

The dog’s tail wagged and he licked Remus’s cheek reassuringly. 

Remus sighed happily and relaxed again. 

Full moons were nothing like they used to be before his friends had learnt to transform. Sure the pain of the transformation was still there – excruciating and all-consuming, but temporary. The terrible wounds the wolf would inflict on itself, caged alone in the Shack, were a thing of the past. Instead of bleeding gashes and new scars, Remus woke up with a left over feeling of contentment, if tinged with guilt. The wolf loved to run with its pack under the call of the moon. Although Remus couldn’t remember specifics, the general feelings of freedom, happiness, and, above all, pack, stayed with him. 

Remus blamed the left-over feeling of pack for the way his heart grumbled when the dog moved, but Pomfrey was coming. As was their winter tradition, Padfoot slipped out the front to wait for Pomfrey to take Remus back to the school. It hardly mattered if the villagers saw an enormous grim outside the haunted house and Sirius was protective of Remus around the full moon. 

Outside it had started to snow, already setting onto the vast lawn. 

***

The snow continued for a week, blizzarding on and off and James fretted loudly about the prospect of a cancelled Quidditch match. Jones still had them training in case the match was given the go ahead and James would return from training teeth chattering and icicles forming on his hair. 

On Saturday, the snow clouds cleared. The Scottish sun appeared half-heartedly over the horizon and the whole school trudged down through the snow drifts to the pitch to watch the Hogwarts team take on Beauxbatons. 

They were no match for the blue team, however. The Beauxbatons team flew excellently on their expensive French brooms, working as a well-oiled machine. The Hogwarts team, who had performed so well individually at try-outs, could hardly seem to keep possession. The game dragged on and on. James scored a few goals but the only thing that kept Hogwarts from a humiliatingly high defeat was Regulus catching the snitch, ending the game at Hogwarts 220: Beauxbatons 240. 

Remus, Sirius, and Peter smoked while they waited for James outside the changing room after the match. He emerged, slouching, carrying his broom. 

‘Well that was depressing,’ he remarked. 

‘What is depressing is having no-one to celebrate our victory with.’ Behind James were the three tall Beauxbatons girls. The middle one, the blonde that Sirius had admired, spoke again: ‘At home, a winning team gets a special feast and we have a party after in the home rooms.’

‘We’ll celebrate with you when you beat Durmstrang, flying like that they won’t stand a chance,’ James said slightly bitterly. 

‘Such a bad loser,’ the black-haired girl tutted. 

‘Allons-y Manon, Lise!’ the curly-haired girl turned to leave towards the tents, the black-haired girl following. The blonde hesitated, her eyes on Sirius. 

‘Can I have one?’ she asked, gesturing at his cigarette. 

He said nothing but produced one and lazily lit it for her. 

‘Thanks,’ she said after a long inhale and then turned to follow her friends. 

‘Manon or Lise?’ Sirius called after her. 

‘Manon’ she replied, flicking her hair and walking off. 

For no reason whatsoever, Remus felt a flash of annoyance. 

***

And then, suddenly, or so it seemed to Remus, it was Christmas. The halls were decorated, Peeves sang carols, and James and Sirius, who had discovered muggle Christmas Cracker jokes, charmed the suits of armour to repeat the lamest ones over and over. 

Peter was excited to head home to his mother and her excellent cooking – ‘better even than the Hogwarts elves’ – and James spent much of the last week of term trying to convince Sirius to come skiing with him and his family. Sirius insisted he wanted to stay at Hogwarts but Remus had a feeling he just didn’t want to impose on the Potter Christmas. Remus was also staying. With the NEWT workload, Remus wanted to be somewhere he could do magic, and, besides, he liked being in the castle when it was so much quieter. 

On the first day of the holidays, Remus and Sirius went to the Entrance Hall to see James and Peter off. James tried to persuade Sirius one last time to go to France with him – ‘Mum and Dad would love to see you’ – but Sirius shrugged him off. 

After they had finally gone, Sirius and Remus decided to head straight to lunch in the now largely empty Great Hall. 

‘What a bunch of losers we are,’ Sirius said glumly as he scanned the smattering of students sat at their house tables. ‘Either our parents don’t want us or we’re such dorks that we’d rather be here and study than celebrate Christmas.’ He stopped by a pale young Slytherin with straw coloured hair who had a stack of books by him and was reading as he ate. ‘I mean look at this one, Remus,’ said Sirius grabbing the top book off the stack, _Major Problems in Muggle Research_ , ‘this kid’s such a swot he’s taking Muggle Studies. A Slytherin! Taking Muggle studies!’ He waved the book at Remus to stress his point. 

Remus took the book from him and handed it back to the Slytherin boy. ‘I’m sorry, errr…’

‘Crouch,’ the boy said, slowly reaching up for the book staring at Remus with a cold blankness that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

‘Leave him alone.’ Came a quiet voice from behind them. 

Sirius turned instantly. Remus could almost see the dog in him raise his hackles. 

‘Snivellus.’ Sirius snarled. 

‘We were just leaving,’ said Remus, attempting to pull Sirius away.

‘What’s the matter, Black? Lost your nerve without Potter here? Two-on-one not good enough odds for you, you prefer four?’ 

Sirius wiped his cheek in disgust. ‘Try not to spit on people when you talk to them Snivellus.’

Snape raised his wand as Remus and Sirius did the same. 

‘Enough!’ McGonagall had spotted them from the teacher’s table and was walking down towards them. ‘Put your wands away, Mr. Snape, Mr. Black. And you as well Mr. Lupin. Just because it is the holidays does not mean I cannot give out detentions. And if I recall correctly, Mr Black, you have only just finished your last lot from Professor Kettleburn.’

The boys lowered their wands. 

‘Now either sit and eat or go to your common rooms.’

Sirius and Remus turned to Gryffindor table, Sirius still cursing ‘that slimy, ugly, git’ under his breath. Remus sighed, thinking this wasn’t going to be the peaceful, relaxing two weeks he’d been planning. 

***

Sirius and Remus had the whole of Gryffindor tower to themselves and spent their days lazing around and wandering the grounds, Remus’s studying all but forgotten. With no James around Sirius demanded Remus’s constant attention. On Christmas morning, that meant Remus woke to the unpleasant experience of a chewed-up dog toy being thrown at his face.

‘Oi!’ 

‘Merry Christmas to you too Moons.’ 

Remus sat up and saw a pile of presents at the end of his bed. 

‘Look at what Prongs got me,’ said Sirius holding up a studded black leather dog collar. 

Remus found his gift from James, a rather large package that turned out to be a muggle radio James had somehow charmed to work in Hogwarts. 

‘Neat,’ said Sirius. ‘Open your one from Peter now, I reckon he’s got us the same.’ 

Sirius was right, Peter had got them both normal looking hats, that when you put them on would squawk loudly and transform into a variety of shapes, now an umbrella hat, the next a miniature party hat that made your hair stand on end. 

‘Here Moons,’ Sirius said once they’d tried the hats and he chucked a present at Remus.

‘But you already gave us all that gillyweed to share.’ Near the end of term, Sirius had produced a large tin of the stuff, declared it was everyone’s Christmas present but that they may as well start smoking it before James and Peter left. 

‘Yeah well, I wanted to get you this too.’

Remus opened it. _Practical Defensive Magic : Volume 2_ fell into his lap.

‘It’s about time you finished with volume 1.’ 

‘Wow, Padfoot, this is…actually pretty thoughtful.’

Sirius laughed. ‘Well you don’t have to look so surprised. Hey, is this one from you?’

He held up a small package wrapped neatly in brown paper and tied with a ribbon. 

‘Yup,’ said Remus.

Sirius opened it to uncover a packet of mulitcoloured muggle pens. 

‘They’re muggle gel pens, you know, like quills, except better,’ explained Remus. ‘And these ones are scented – they say the flavours on them.’

Sirius picked up a violently purple one, opened it and sniffed.

‘Be warned they smell disgusting,’ Remus laughed as Sirius’s face lit up. 

‘These are brilliant! I’m going to right a letter to Mother right now.’

‘What colour? Bubblegum pink?’

Sirius snorted. ‘No, no, no, Moony. You lack imagination. I’m going to use them all, the full rainbow effect. It’s going to reek!’ And with that a beaming Sirius ran out the room and down the stairs. 

*** 

Over the next six days Sirius had written letters to everyone he could think of and even completed a Transfiguration essay – ‘I think McGonagall is a blueberry sort of gal, wouldn’t you agree Moony.’ 

New Years Eve was not, according to Sirius, a day for writing however. So the boys had an epic snowball fight and then competed to see who could build the better igloo, with the help of magic of course. 

When night fell, the boys returned to Gryffindor tower. They had the radio on and the common room completely to themselves. House-elves had lit a roaring fire and the boys sat in front of it, drinking some of James’s stash of firewhiskey.

Remus was feeling decidedly tipsy and cosy and almost like he could sleep when the radio presenter announced ‘Half a minute until 1977’ and Sirius jumped up. ‘Shouldn’t we be doing something special to mark the new year?’ He pulled Remus to his feet to.

‘Like what?’

‘Erm…’ Sirius glanced around the room as if looking for inspiration. 

‘We’re going to have to kiss at least.’ Sirius was smirking.

‘W-what?’ Remus stammered, his face getting warm. 

20 seconds to go. 

‘It’s luck’ Sirius said. ‘You have to. I once had to kiss my cousin Bellatrix on New Year’s.’

Remus spluttered. ‘You kissed Bellatrix?’

‘Well I didn’t exactly want to, but you have to kiss someone at New Year’s. Make do and all that.’

He was coming closer to Remus who felt rooted to the spot. 

-10 seconds– 

‘And I don’t exactly see any girls around.’ His face was now so close Remus could see his faint stubble. Remus swallowed.

-5-

Sirius smirked again.

-4-

Remus could feel his breath

-3-

Sirius’s eyes flicked down to Remus’s lips

-2-

Remus’s heart was fluttering somewhere near the back of his throat

-1-

Their lips met. Sirius’s mouth was soft and warm and Remus felt the urge to run his fingers through Sirius’s hair but he didn’t, his arms hung awkwardly by his sides. Remus could feel Sirius’s hands, though, tracing up his arms, reaching his shoulders and – 

Sirius pushed Remus away laughing. ‘Moony, you sly old dog! At least Bella just kissed me on the cheek.’ 

Remus felt his heart plummet from his throat to somewhere near the dungeons. What had he done? Shit. He forced out a strangled laugh. Luckily Sirius was laughing so hard he didn’t even seem to notice. 

Remus turned quickly and made for the door. ‘Be right back’, he managed to blurt out. ‘Bathroom’.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a scene involving self-harm. If you don't fancy reading that, feel free to skip this chapter, I don't think it will affect the story too much!

The Sunday before term began was bright and cold. James and Peter, trunks laden with gifts, had arrived back and the four headed down to breakfast together, James glancing around excitedly to spot Lily. 

‘Hey Evans,’ he said spotting her at the Gryffindor table with Dorcas Meadowes. 

‘Fuck off,’ she responded without looking up. 

James sighed and joined the others further down the table. 

‘So how was your holiday then?’ Peter asked, ‘Did you like the hats?’

‘Yeah, nice one,’ Sirius responded. ‘And look Prongs,’ Sirius gestured at his neck where the studded leather collar was tied. ‘And,’ he said. ‘We used Remus’s radio loads, got our new year’s countdown on it and everything.’

Remus turned away, and hurriedly asked a second-year next to him to pass the pumpkin juice. 

‘Cool! It worked alright then?’ James responded. 

‘Yeah, worked a charm,’ Sirius smirked at Remus. ‘Have got somethings to tell you though Prongs, not sure you’re going to be too impressed.’ 

Remus kicked him. 

‘Huh?’ said James.

‘Yeah,’ said Sirius, smirking even more broadly, clearly not deterred by the sudden kick to the shin. ‘Remus and I, on New Year’s Eve, we were in the common room and well we,’ he paused and took a big swig of his juice all the while staring at Remus. ‘We drank your firewhiskey, sorry mate.’

Remus glowered at him before turning to James. ‘Yeah, sorry Prongs, we’ll buy you some more.’

‘Don’t worry about it.’

Sirius grinned again at Remus before turning to Peter and asking him how his holidays had been. He was listening good-naturedly to Peter’s stories from Christmas at the Pettigrew household when a large tawny owl swooped down and dropped an official looking letter in his plate of scrambled eggs. 

Remus watched as Sirius opened it and read, the expression on his face confused. As he read the colour left his face and his upper lip began to curl, a sign of Sirius’s anger that Remus knew well. On finishing the letter, he stood abruptly, dropped it back onto his plate and stormed off. 

‘What was that all about?’ asked James, picking up the letter, shaking off the bits of egg and reading it. Remus read over his shoulder. 

_Dear Mr. S. Black,_

_I am writing to inform you that the funds of the late Mr. Alphard Black have now been transferred to your vault at Gringotts Bank, following the conclusion of the appeal of Mr. Black’s nearest relatives. Please see below for details._

_Gringotts looks forward to welcoming your custom in the near future._

_Sincerely,_

_Bogrod, Senior Gringotts Clerk_

_The Deceased: Alphard Pollox Black_

_Date of Death: 1st October 1976_

_Amount released: 1931 Galleons, 152 Sickles, 953 Knuts_

‘That’s a lot of money!’ gasped Peter.

‘Was he close to his uncle?’ asked James.

‘Look at the date of death,’ replied Remus, getting up from the table. ‘I’ll go find him.’

Remus hurried up to the dormitory, thinking to find the map if not Sirius, but Sirius was there pacing, his hands balled into fists, one clasping a wand tightly, white knuckles showing. 

‘Sirius.’ Remus said gently. 

‘Leave me alone.’ 

‘No,’ replied Remus evenly. 

Sirius turned to face him, anger making his tightly wound body tremble. ‘Leave me alone!’ He screamed straight at Remus. ‘Leave me alone! Leave me alone!’ Suddenly he turned sharply and raised his wand. There was a loud crack like a whip and the mirror on the wall shattered. Thousands of tiny shards of glass sprayed out. Remus, instinct moving him, raised his arms to shield his face but the shards paused magically in mid-air and, as Sirius lowered his wand, breathing heavily, the shards sank harmlessly to the ground while Sirius sank, deflated, onto his bed, his head in his hands. 

Remus crossed the floor to him and sat next to him. 

‘He died three months ago, Remus. Three months and no-one told me. That’s it, I’m out. No-one will tell me if my mother died, or father, or even Regulus. How would I find out, it’s not like they’ll leave me anything. And what if I died? Who’d care? Would someone send them a letter? They’d probably celebrate, probably stick in on the wall so Mother could smile as she walked past. No more Sirius to disgrace the name Black. _Worthless blood traitor, stain of dishonour, should have drowned him as a baby_.’

As he impersonated his mother, Sirius’s voice rose, getting hysterical. In contrast to his voice, Sirius gave his wand a calm, almost indifferent flick aimed at his arm. As Remus watched, a line appeared dark red. Only when the blood started to trickle did Remus realise what had happened. 

‘No!’, he cried and grabbed Sirius’s arm, gripping the deep cut tightly, wand forgotten. ‘Stop it! Stop it!’

Sirius looked at Remus. ‘It’s nothing, Moony.’ He said in a quiet, emotionless voice. ‘Look. _Episky’_ Remus felt the cut grow hot under his hands and when he released them the cut was gone and Sirius’s smooth pale skin was scarless. 

‘Don’t do that.’ Remus said very seriously. ‘Don’t ever do that.’ 

Sirius shrugged and didn’t look at him.

‘Don’t you know you’re loved, you idiot boy. Just cos your family are worthless toerags, doesn’t mean… I… We love you. I think James even loves you more than Lily. And the Potters are crazy about you, James said they were heartbroken when you didn’t join them for Christmas. And, and your cousin Andromeda, she thinks your great. And… and, ’ Remus nudged Sirius in the ribs, ‘You know that McGonagall has a soft spot for you.’

Sirius laughed weakly and then made a half choking, hiccup sound and Remus realised he was crying. 

***

Remus kept an eye on Sirius for the next few weeks. During the day, at classes, and when other people were around Sirius seemed his normal self. Moody, yes, but nothing out of the ordinary. When it was just the Marauders though, Sirius was quieter, and James, who had not seemed surprised when he’d seen the broken mirror, spent every minute he wasn’t at Quidditch training with Sirius, even more than previously. 

Until one Saturday morning, that was, when Remus and Peter made their way to breakfast and found James sitting alone. 

‘Where’s Padfoot?’ Remus asked, taking a seat. 

James, his mouth full of ChocoSnitches, nodded over to where the Beauxbatons teams sat. Sirius was stood chatting to the girl called Manon, who was giggling and twirling her hair, like someone who’d got all their knowledge of flirting from bad teen romance books. 

‘Reckon he’s feeling a bit better.’ James chuckled. 

Remus helped him self to crumpets and butter and tried to focus on James and Peter’s conversation but his eyes kept flicking back to Sirius and Manon, who scribbled something on a piece of parchment and pressed it into Sirius’s hand, batting her eyelashes. Sirius leaned closer and whispered something in her ear. She laughed, and pushed him away and he sauntered over to the Marauders. 

‘Well Padfoot?’ James asked, ‘You get it?’ 

‘Yup,’ Sirius grinned. ‘Their tent, tonight. There's a back entrance to the girls' common area. Need a password, but got that sorted,’ he pulled out the parchment and wiggled it in their faces. 

Peter whistled. ‘This is so unfair.’ 

‘No need to be jealous, Wormtail,’ Sirius said. ‘It’s an invite for all of us.’

‘Excellent work Padfoot,’ said James, standing up. ‘Now, I have to run to the library. Got to get started on Potions before Quidditch practice.’

‘Me too!’ Peter hurriedly finished his bacon and joined James. 

Remus made to get up as well but Sirius stopped him, ‘Oh, wait for me Moons. I’ve got to do mine too.’ Remus sat back down. 

‘See you in a bit then,’ said James and he and Peter left.

‘Hurry up,’ said Remus a tad sharply when the others had gone. ‘I want to do some DADA after I finish Potions. And now we have evening plans, apparently.’

‘You’re annoyed.’ Sirius said, matter-of-factly, spreading butter on a slice of toast. 

‘I am not annoyed,’ responded Remus. ‘I just need to study.’

‘You should get a girlfriend, Moony, a good shag would sort you right out.’ 

‘I do not need a ‘good shag’, thank you.’ 

Sirius raised his eyebrows. ‘If you say so.’ He leaned in, conspiratorially. ‘But that girl Manon, her friends are alright too. I bet one of them would go for it.’

‘Shut up Sirius.’

Sirius took a big bite of the toast and shrugged. 

***

After Sirius had finished eating, the two boys made their way to the library to catch up with James and Peter. They were surprised, however, to see Lily standing over the table James and Peter were working at. 

‘What the hell is that?’ they heard her hiss as they neared. Sirius tugged on Remus’s arm and they held back.

James looked confused. He followed Lily’s gaze to his hand which held a shocking green gel pen that Sirius had lent him. ‘It’s a muggle pen. It’s for- aren’t you muggleborn?’

‘I know it’s a muggle pen, dickhead. I want to know what you’re doing with it?’ 

Peter had his head determinedly stuck in a book, trying exceptionally hard not to be noticed.  
‘I’m using it to write this essay. It’s so much better than a quill, and look it’s scented.’ James turned the pen so the words ‘Luscious Lime’ faced Lily. 

‘This is all just so funny to you purebloods, isn’t it.’ Lily’s voice was a low angry hiss. 

‘What are you talking about?’ James looked even more bewildered. 

‘A muggle pen! It’s alright for you, isn’t it? Do you know how dangerous it is for muggleborns to use muggle stuff now? That’s like announcing to all of those pureblood maniacs that you’re full on muggle rights or something. But no, it’s alright for James Potter, he can use the funny muggle pen and he doesn’t have to worry about any of the consequences of actually having muggles in his family!’ Lily’s voice was rising and James looked horror-struck. 

‘Should I say something?’ Remus whispered to Sirius, ‘I did buy them after all.’

‘No, let him handle it,’ Sirius murmured back. 

‘Look Lily, I didn’t think,’ James’s voice was quiet. 

‘No, you didn’t think! You think I like using quills?! You think I wouldn’t love to bring muggle stuff with me. You think there aren’t loads of things muggles actually do better than wizards.’ 

‘I’m sorry,’ James said. 

‘What?!’ Lily looked stunned. 

‘You’re right, I’m sorry. I’ll stop using it. I’ll start this essay again.’

Lily had clearly not been expecting James to backdown so quickly. She hesitated for a moment and said, ‘no, it’s fine, just _think _a bit more next time.’__

__James had reached into his bag and pulled out a quill and a pot of ink. ‘You know I hate all this right Lily, the whole pureblood crap.’_ _

__‘Yeah,’ Lily was looking down at James with an odd expression on her face. ‘Well, see you.’  
‘Yeah, see you Evans.’_ _

__Lily turned to leave then paused and looked back at James. ‘Occasionally, _very_ occasionally I think I might be wrong about you.’ And with that she left, leaving a shell-shocked James behind. _ _

__‘Well Prongs,’ Sirius remarked as he and Remus sat down at the table. ‘I think you may have just had your first interaction with Lily where you left her with a better impression of you than when you started.’_ _

__James stared after her. ‘Fuck, I think you’re right.’ He rounded on the others. ‘How did I do it? Tell me!’_ _

__‘I think it might have been the fact that you actually listened to her,’ said Remus reasonably._ _

__‘And didn’t ask her out a hundred times.’ Peter was no longer buried in his book._ _

__Sirius laughed and added, ‘And you weren’t staring at her-‘_ _

__‘SILENCE!’ Madame Pince had arrived. Sirius rolled his eyes but shut up and the boys got to work, apart from James who stared out the window, lost in thought._ _


	5. Chapter 5

The Beauxbatons girls rolled the gillyweed expertly. Manon’s long, pale fingers reaching towards Sirius as she passed him the first draw. 

‘This is the life,’ exhaled James softly. ‘Beautiful girls, strong weed, and Quidditch all weekend.’

The others nodded their agreement, relaxing into the cushions scattered around the girls’ room. 

‘You know, I’d always heard that Hogwarts is cold and not cultured,’ sighed Anais, ‘but it was not right. You know how to enjoy the finer things, I think.’

Peter giggled, the gillyweed already going to his head.

Remus frowned, he didn’t really enjoy smoking at the best of times. It never seemed to relax him, if anything it made him more on edge. And he didn’t really like these girls. He didn’t like their simpering clichés, their too cool for school attitudes and he especially didn’t like how they fawned over Sirius and James. He wasn’t sure why he’d come. He made to stand up abruptly. ‘I’m tired, I’m going to go to bed.’

‘Moony is tired of us already, we’re boring him.’ Manon said to Sirius. Remus hated her cooing voice and the way she used his nickname. 

Sirius reached up and took the joint straight from her lips, his fingers brushing them. ‘Stay.’ He said simply. Something in his voice made Remus hesitate.

James laughed and said, ‘Yeah come on stay Moony, the tiredness is just the weed, it’ll pass. And anyway, you’d need the cloak to get back now and you don’t want to make us all leave do you?’

Peter giggled again. 

‘Fine’, Remus gave up, sitting back down. ‘But just for a little bit, some of us have prefect duties in the morning.’ 

Sirius had moved so he was half lying down, propped up on just one arm, playing with a bit of Manon’s golden-white hair. 

‘Let’s make things a bit more interesting then’, said Anais. ‘so Remus won’t be bored with us. We play a game in France called action or verité, do you know it, action or truth I guess you call it.’

‘Truth or dare’, said Remus resignedly. He hated this bloody game. 

‘Yes, that is the one, so you know how to play.’ 

The boys nodded. James was giggling too now.

Manon got her wand out and muttered something under her breath.

‘What was that?’ demanded Remus sharply.

‘I’m just setting the mood,’ she retorted.

‘Relax, Remus,’ Sirius pronounced his name mockingly, staring him in the eyes across the slightly hazy room and then turning his gaze back up to Manon. ‘It’s the weed, always makes him a bit paranoid.’

She laughed and sure enough the sound of Goblin Lovers filled the room. 

‘I love this song, don’t you,’ she said to Sirius.

‘Mmmm’ replied Sirius lazily.

Remus wanted to punch the smug look out of his face. _Liar, liar liar,_ he thought. Just yesterday Sirius had been complaining about this very song, saying that wizards should try listening to some muggle music, they really knew how to play. 

‘Right,’ said James. ‘Are we playing or what? Who’s first?’

‘You are,’ chirped up Lise who had been sat quietly in the corner. ‘Action ou verité?’

‘Erm, well, action I guess,’ said James.

‘You have to do a blowback with Anais,’ said Sirius lazily. 

‘Sure,’ said James. ‘Hand us the spliff Peter.’ He took the gillyweed, inhaled deeply and leaned towards Anais, their lips almost touching. 

‘Very good,’ said Manon, after James retreated leaving a slightly blushing Anais. ‘Now it is your turn Black. Action ou verité?’

‘Truth,’ said Sirius. 

‘Of all the girls visiting Hogwarts, do you fancy me the most?’ said Manon. 

Everyone groaned except Sirius who shrugged and said ‘sure’. ‘Your turn, truth or dare.’

‘Dare, I think,’ replied Manon.

‘Make-out with me.’

The groans were louder this time as Sirius and Manon started kissing. 

‘Get a room!’ said Peter.

James rolled his eyes but was laughing. ‘Typical, right who’s next.’ He looked around the room. ‘Moony, your turn, truth or dare’.

‘Dare’, said Remus, as always when playing with strangers. Sirius and Manon stopped kissing to watch.

‘I dare you to tell us your deepest secret, one you don’t want anyone to know,’ said Lise.

Remus’s stomach fell to somewhere underneath the floor.

‘That’s not a dare,’ said James.

Lise shrugged. ‘Still counts.’ 

‘You don’t have to answer Moony, it’s a stupid game anyway.’ Sirius’s voice was no longer drawling and bored but sharp and protective.

The problem was Remus’s stomach was rising. Slowly coming up from under the carpet, a building urge like nausea.

‘But, that’s the thing,’ laughed Anais. ‘He does, look it’s coming now.’

Remus fought down the growing nausea and pressed his hands over his mouth, his knuckles white. He was not going to tell these girls he was a werewolf. Not over a stupid game of truth or dare. 

‘The charm!’ exclaimed James, surprised. ‘It wasn’t just music.’

Manon laughed and Sirius jumped up, his wand out, shouting at her to tell him the counter-charm. 

‘It’s too late,’ she replied, still laughing. 

The boys looked in horror at Remus, who was going increasingly purple. 

‘ _Muffliato!_ ’ James shouted waving his wand at the three girls. The sound of laughing stopped suddenly.

Remus relaxed slightly, his secret safe. He took his hands from his mouth.

‘I am in love with Sirius Black’ he said. 

The words hung in the air. There was a silence so deep that Remus was sure the other boys must hear the sudden pounding of blood in his ears. The three other boys stared at him, eyes open, mouths open. 

‘Woah,’ breathed Peter. 

Remus jumped up, avoiding everyone’s eyes. And ran out the room into the dark corridor beyond.


	6. Chapter 6

Remus cursed internally when he finally made his way back to the dormitories. The lights were still on, clearly the others had waited up to speak to him. He gritted his teach, fighting the urge to run back down the stairs and out into the welcome emptiness of the late-night school. He would have to face them sooner or later, and while later did seem preferable, Remus’s body screamed to curl up in bed, preferably in a foetal position and just zone out of everything in the comforting emptiness of sleep.

In the end he didn’t get to decide. Peter opened the door. ‘We’ve been watching you on the map’, he explained. ‘Come in here’.

‘Just want to go to bed,’ Remus walked past Peter, making a bee-line for his bed. Deliberately not looking round the room, desperately not wanting to meet Sirius’ eyes. 

James stepped into his path, blocking his way. 

‘Now look here Moony,’ he put his hands on Remus’s shoulders, making him look at him. ‘We’ve got to talk about this.’

Moony resigned himself to the fact. ‘Fine,’ he said detaching himself from James’ grip. He sat down on his bed, looked up at Peter and James, and suddenly noticed Sirius wasn’t with them. 

‘Peter and I have been talking,’ James started pacing. ‘And we don’t care at all if you’re gay, straight, whatever, you can fuck a banshee for all we care, though preferably not in the dorm. You’re a marauder and this changes nothing.’

Remus felt a wave of gratitude and love for these two boys. For James and his dedication to doing the right thing and his loyalty and to funny little Peter who valued the marauders more than anything. 

‘But, seriously, Moony,’ James continued. ‘Sirius? You couldn’t have gone for Gerry McGovern or something could you?’

Gerry McGovern was the campest boy in school. When he’d finally come out last year, the whole school had collectively yawned and, more or less, accepted him. He was fine, but Remus didn’t fancy his at all, especially when he thought of Sirius’s black waves and grey-eyed smirk. 

‘He’s not exactly my type, Prongs,’ Remus said dryly. James and Peter laughed and even Remus managed to crack a smile. 

‘Yeah, he’s not mine either,’ said James.

‘Me neither,’ agreed Peter. 

‘So...’ Remus hesitated but decided to persevere, ‘What did Sirius say?’

The smiles on James and Peter’s faces fell. ‘When you left he lifted the silencing charm, apologised to the girls, told them you had some very very kinky fantasies that weren’t fit for polite company and so we couldn’t exactly discuss it with him then.’

‘Where is he now?’

‘He...he decided to stay,’ James said.

‘With Manon,’ Peter added unnecessarily. 

‘I’m sorry, Moony,’ James was looking at him with an expression of concern similar to the one he had when the boys had found out about Remus’s ‘furry little problem’. It made Remus want to hit him. 

‘I thought if anyone would understand unrequited love without being a condescending asshole about it, it would be you, James.’

James tried, but only partially succeeded, to wipe the pity from his face. ‘It’s different though isn’t it,’ he said. ‘At least Lily likes boys.’

‘Yeah, it’s just you she won’t date.’ As soon as the words had left his mouth he regretted them. Tonight was not going well for Remus and biting his tongue. 

James looked like he’d slapped him.

‘Merlin, Moony,’ Peter said. 

Remus wanted to ignore the guilt he felt and just get onto his bed and close his curtains and block out the world. He knew he didn’t have the luxury of a certain Mr. Black of pushing all his friends away when he was in a bad mood and just assuming they’d all pick up the pieces and carry on as normal when he was feeling better. Remus didn’t take friends for granted and he needed these two right now. He took a deep breath.

‘I’m sorry, James, that was out of line.’

‘S’OK’ James had moved over to his bed and was getting ready for bed. 

‘No, I really mean it, Prongs. That was bang out of order. I’m having a shitty night and I took it out on you. You know I’m rooting for you and Lily right?’

‘Yeah, Moony. S’ok’, James said a little more convincingly. 

‘And you know,’ Remus cracked a slightly strained smile, ‘In the meantime, at least Anais seemed pretty keen.’

James laughed and shot Remus a grin. 

***

Remus awoke somewhat slowly in the morning. The weak winter sun was barely shining through the thick Scottish cloud. The rain that splattered on the dingy window seemed settled in for the day. Remus normally enjoyed Sundays like this: the perfect excuse to curl up in front of the fire with a good book and a hot chocolate and a sleepy Sirius-

_Sirius_

Remus groaned and rolled over in bed, shutting his eyes tightly. But then, willing himself not to, he slowly turned back around and glanced over to Sirius’s bed. The curtains were drawn. He had returned last night then. Well, if Remus wanted to avoid him, he should probably get up now and hurry down to breakfast. Moving as quietly and as quickly as he could, Remus hastily dressed and left the dormitory


	7. Chapter 7

Remus managed to avoid Sirius for eight hours and thirty-three minutes. He knew this because avoiding Sirius meant avoiding James and Peter. It meant avoiding Gryffindor Tower, the Great Hall, the kitchens. It meant avoiding walking down to the quidditch pitch, or over to the lake, or out to see Hagrid. It even meant avoiding the library. Avoiding Sirius meant grabbing breakfast food as quickly as possible, sitting in an empty classroom alone, and trying to focus on the matter of Potions homework when your mind just replayed ‘I am in love with Sirius Black’ over and over.

By dinner time, Remus’s stomach was growling and he was so sick of his own company that he gave up. He would go to dinner. He would see Sirius. He would apologise and say it didn’t have to change anything. They would move on. It would all be fine. 

But it was not fine. 

Sirius didn’t even look up when Remus sat down and, as the others chatted, Sirius said nothing. James shrugged apologetically at Remus, who found himself getting quieter and quieter too. As soon as Sirius had finished eating, he put down his cutlery, said ‘Laters’ at James and sauntered off to the Beauxbatons table and Manon. Remus watched him go, and barely listened to the other two. 

Sirius didn’t speak to Remus the next day either. On Tuesday he said ‘pass the shrivelfig’ in Potions. On Wednesday he said ‘oh, sorry,’ when he walked in on Remus brushing his teeth in the bathroom and promptly left. On Thursday he said nothing at all. 

Remus tried to get used to the idea that this was how things were now, now that he had officially ruined their friendship. James and Peter tried to be fair about spending time with both of them, but Remus knew it was hard for them, and feeling it was only right seeing as he was the problem, he started absenting himself to the library so they wouldn’t have to choose. It also meant he could avoid Manon who, now she and Sirius seemed to be dating, had started hanging out with the group. 

An old familiar feeling, one he hadn’t felt for a while, crept back into Remus’s life. Loneliness, Remus remembered well, was heavy and numbing. It felt something like having a blocked ear: he still interacted with people but it felt strange, somewhat detached, almost through a barrier. 

‘Remus… Remus... REMUS.’

Remus blinked rapidly and looked away from the library window to see a concerned looking Lily, laden with several books, staring at him. 

‘Oh sorry, Lily, didn’t see you there.’

Lily frowned. ‘Are you ok Remus? Only you seem a bit, well, a bit down recently. And you’ve not been with the others. And, well I wasn’t going to say anything, but you missed prefect’s duty last night and normally you only miss it when it’s a-, when you’re ill.’

‘Oh shit.’ Remus said, he had completely forgotten about prefect’s duty, he’d been hiding from the others in the prefect’s bathroom. ‘Sorry, Lily, I just, erm, just been a bit overwhelmed with work you know.’ He gestured at his open DADA textbook. 

‘Oh is that DADA?’ said Lily sitting down. ‘Great, you can help me. Alice is wonderful at DADA but she’s a lousy teacher, has all the patience of a Howler.’

Remus was slightly taken aback but said, ‘er, yeah sure.’

She got out her books and they started to work but it soon became apparent to Remus that Lily didn’t need half as much help as she’d been letting on. Gradually their conversation moved onto other topics, work forgotten, and before Remus knew it he was trying desperately to muffle his laughter as Lily told him about trying to explain to her muggle friends why her supposedly elite boarding school didn’t teach algebra. 

By the time Madam Pince kicked them out, Remus felt lighter than he had in weeks and he smiled cheerily at Lily and her friends when he passed them the following day in the Entrance Hall. 

‘Where are you going Remus?’ Lily called after him. 

‘Library,’ he said.

‘What, you can’t have more work already? Anyway haven’t you heard,’ Lily rushed over to him and then said conspiratorially. ‘Hagrid has a unicorn foal. He told Marlene, because he knows how into Care of Magical Creatures she is. You have to come see it!’ and Remus allowed himself to be dragged by the arm over to the group of girls and down to Hagrid’s hut. 

The unicorn foal was much younger than Remus was expecting, with golden fur and hooves and no horn yet. Hagrid had it inside his hut, near a warm fire, and was feeding it a silvery liquid from a bottle. Remus lingered near the door as the girls fussed around, he knew unicorns weren’t so fond of boys from a Kettleburn class a few years ago. 

‘What happened to its mother, Hagrid?’ asked Marlene as she stroked the foal’s golden mane. 

‘Died foaling, poor thing,’ replied Hagrid gravely. ‘But I told ‘er I’d take care of this little un and I think she understood.’

‘What you doin’ over there, Remus?’ said Hagrid suddenly looking up at him. ‘Scared he’ll bite?’

‘No, it’s just, well don’t they not trust boys or something.’

‘Nah, don’ learn that ‘til later,’ said Hagrid. ‘Come ‘ere’ 

Hagrid handed Remus the bottle and moved so he could sit down. Remus, feeling slightly awkward, sat and gave the bottle to the foal. It looked up at Remus, and this close he could see its eyes weren’t amber-y like a horse’s. They were a beautiful stormy, silvery-grey. 

***

Remus joined Lily and her friends the following day when they went down to see the unicorn again and from then on he started hanging out with them more and more. His friendship with them, he realised, was far less intense than with the Marauders, but that didn’t necessarily make it worse. It was nice, and easy, and comfortable. 

Remus worried about the full moon without Sirius. He thought James would probably be able to cope on his own, but he told James he didn’t want to leave the Shack. He shouldn’t have worried though, when it came time to leave for the night, James and Peter were waiting to say bye in the dormitory with a big black dog. 

‘We’ll be there,’ James said. ‘We’ll all be there.’ 

The night passed as smoothly always but Remus woke cold and alone in the Shack and even his normal contented pack feelings seemed a little subdued. 

Despite the slow ebbing away of his loneliness, he still felt sharp pangs of sadness if Sirius hardly spoke to him at dinner with James and Peter or if, when Remus was hanging out with the girls, he caught a glimpse of the Marauders rushing past, laughing. 

Worst of all, however, was waking up one Saturday morning in March, the day of the Hogwarts/Durmstrang game, to the sound of barely muffled giggling. 

‘Shhhh, shhhh!’ That was Sirius’s voice. 

A girls’ voice giggled again. 

‘Let’s get out of here,’ Sirius was giggling too. 

‘I can’t find my jeans!’ It was Manon’s voice.

Of course, thought Remus glumly, glad his curtains were closed.

Sirius laughed. 

‘Found them!’ Manon giggled. 

‘What’s going on?’ That was a sleepy James’s voice.

‘Nothing,’ said Sirius quickly, and then more giggling and Sirius again, more quietly. ‘Let’s go.’ 

Remus heard the door slam behind and James rapidly getting dressed then running out after them.   
Remus waited a second then opened his own curtains and looked around. All three beds were empty except for the Invisibility Cloak James had chucked on his in his haste to find clothes. Remus sighed and started pulling on clothes. 

Remus had just finished brushing his teeth when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs and Sirius’s voice saying. ‘Moony isn’t in there is he?’ Without thinking, Remus grabbed James’ cloak and threw it over himself, just knowing he didn’t want to see Sirius right then. 

The door opened and he watched as a furious looking James and ruffled looking Sirius came into the room and closed the door behind them. 

‘So?’ said James. 

‘So, what?’ Sirius replied. 

‘What the fuck, man?’ James said angrily.

‘I know, I know.’ Sirius looked slightly ashamed of himself and walked over to his bed. 

‘We said it was fine if you wanted some space from Moony for a bit but we also said no girls in the dorm.’ 

‘Yeah, I know. I know I’ve fucked up.’ Sirius sank onto the bed, head in hands. 

James’s demeanour softened, he sat down next to Sirius. ‘I don’t even get why you’re punishing him. What do you want him to do? Not like he can help it.’

‘I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m doing anything.’

Remus’s heart was pounding, he should not be here. 

‘Well you gotta work it out man cos this’ – James gestured vaguely around the room – ‘how things are at the moment, it’s not ok.’ 

‘He should have just told me, when it started, and I could have, well it would have been different.’ Sirius kicked his bed leg. 

James chuckled dryly, ‘You can’t blame him for not telling you when this is how you react.’

‘Oh man, when I remember some of the things…’ Sirius tailed off. 

‘You _are_ a terrible flirt.’ James laughed and stood up. ‘It’s fine, just sort your shit out, work out what you’re wanna say to Moony, and in the meantime, no more girls in the dorm. Come on, lets go get some breakfast before I have to go restore some Hogwarts pride.’ 

They left and Remus slowly took off the cloak, placed it back on James’s bed and followed them down to breakfast where he sat with Lily and her friends. 

***

Hogwarts trounced Durmstrang. At last the rigorous training Jones had been putting them through paid off. Their keeper, Fawley, was back on form, saving goal after goal. 

Remus, Sirius, and Peter waited for James as usual in an awkward silence that Peter filled with nervous chatter going over all the moments of the game. When James finally emerged, he was in such high spirits it was infectious, Remus almost felt normal as the four boys walked up to the castle.

Back at Gryffindor tower the party was well underway. Even from the other side of the Fat Lady they could hear the sounds of music blaring and many people talking at once.

‘Brilliant!’ said James, grinning from ear to ear. 

Everyone from Gryffindor was there, a few Beauxbatons girls as well. Remus saw Manon standing in the centre of a group of pretty girls, laughing uproariously. As James clambered through the portrait hole someone shouted, ‘There he is!’ Everyone turned and cheered. James stood upright, one hand jumped to his hair to mess it up again and he took a theatrical bow. As he stood up, several arms were already pressing firewhiskey in his face.

‘It’s going to be a heavy night!’ Remus said, smiling to Sirius, forgetting that they weren’t speaking. Sirius however had already detached himself from Remus and Peter and was pouring shots with Midas Diggle. 

Remus sighed and took the bottle James was holding out to him. He chugged it hard, the whiskey lighting up his throat and his stomach almost rejecting it. 

‘Thanks’

James and Peter were staring at him, wide-eyed and laughing. ‘Ha! Not holding back tonight are we Moons?’

‘Nahh, we’re celebrating aren’t we?’ Remus smiled and patted Peter hard over the shoulders, handing him the bottle. 

‘Good man, Moony. Tonight, we are indeed celebrating.’ James, laughing again, turned back to the room and shouted ‘Who’s up for a game of Wingardium Levio-shots’ The cheer that answered would have stunned a banshee.

Several games later, Remus was drunk. Drunk and pissed off. It turns out he wasn’t very good at the game. It was fairly simple, you had to levitate a shot of firewhiskey to your mouth and drink it without spilling a drop. If you touched the glass with your hands or spilt any you had to take a second shot as well as the first. Remus’s problem wasn’t with the general levitating of the glass it was the tipping it into his mouth, he was always too aggressive and spilt it over himself. The more he drank the worse it was going. 

Sirius, who was sat directly opposite Remus, was also drinking a lot. It wasn’t that he was bad at the game, he was excellent, he was just choosing to drink. Every time it was his turn he would perfectly levitate the shot glass to his mouth. Down it, leaving a couple of drops at the bottom. Then he would float the glass away from his face and up end it lazily. Manon, sitting next to him would laugh and say something like ‘Tu est trop!’ or ‘Regard, Anais!’ while Sirius drank his punishment shot smugly. It was doing nothing for Remus’s temper. 

When the shot glass had made the round a few times, James declared he was bored and demanded the group play Hex the Dragon instead. No-one seemed to have played it before so James explained the rules. As far as Remus could tell it didn’t involve any actual hexing but rather a complicated gameplay involving rhymes, hand gestures and counting backwards from 73. Remus wasn’t really following. His mind felt blurry and Sirius wasn’t helping. He wasn’t listening but making the empty whiskey bottle in front of him transfigure into various pornographic figurines. Some, Remus noted with a sort of bitter irony, were gay couples but only lesbians of the very male-gaze-y sought. 

Remus needed a break. He stood up suddenly, startling a fairly tipsy Peter next to him. 

‘You alright Moony? Not gonna play?’

‘’m fine’, he mumbled. ‘Need to pee.’ 

In the bathroom, Remus stood in front of one of the sinks and ran the cold tap. The icy water numbing his fingers was grounding, it stopped his head spinning so much. He looked in the mirror, god he looked terrible. Drinking didn’t agree with him, his face was red and he looked slightly sweaty. He sighed deeply and then dunked his head under the stream of water. It was shockingly cold but felt great, refreshing and sobering. 

He heard the door open and close behind him. He lifted his head out from under the tap and looked up. 

Sirius was standing behind him, staring furiously at him. 

Remus turned around, his back to the sink.

‘What do you want Sirius?’ Remus wasn’t really angry, just drunk and tired of fighting. 

Sirius said nothing. He was simply standing, staring at Remus. His dark hair fell across his eyes, his body looked like a tightly wound spring, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. His face wasn’t flushed like Remus’s but his grey eyes looked drunk. 

Remus felt the weight of the silence between them, it was unbearable. ‘If you’re going to hit me, let’s just get it over with.’

In two strides, Sirius was standing in front of him, too close. His left hand wrapped around Remus’s collar, pushing Remus back so that his back bent awkwardly over the sink. Sirius’s right hand, still clenched, raised in the air next to Remus’s face. 

Remus stared directly into Sirius’s eyes, unafraid. He was so close he could smell the whisky on Sirius’s breath. Remus waited for the blow. 

Sirius lips hit his so hard, Remus could feel his teeth digging into his own lips uncomfortably. It wasn’t a kiss, but then, all of a sudden it was. Their lips were moving together, Sirius’s right hand curling in Remus’s hair, pulling it sharply, the other hand still gripping his shirt collar tightly. Remus’s hung uselessly at his side. 

But Remus felt the anger in him rising, coursing through his body in a reaction to Sirius’s. His hands rose, gripping the back of Sirius’s neck, digging into the shorter hair there. He pushed back, his mouth now pressing hard back into Sirius’s. He pushed away from the sink so the two staggered backwards, joined together, stumbling slightly. 

Sirius’s tongue forced its way into Remus’s mouth whose own pushed back against the intrusion. Still tangled in Remus’s hair, Sirius’s hand jerked painfully, pulling Remus’s head back and forcing a gasp of shock from his lips. Remus’s neck was bare to Sirius. At the full-moon, this would be game over for the wolf in their monthly battles. Never leave your throat open to a barely tame dog. Remus half-laughed but then Sirius’s mouth was biting his ear lobe softly, and kissing his way down his neck and all of Remus’s thoughts disappeared. As he reached the base of Remus’s neck, Sirius pulled Remus’s collar away from his body, baring the flesh which joined Remus’s neck and shoulders. 

Without warning, Sirius sunk his teeth in, biting Remus hard. Remus’s eyes shot open. 

‘Ow!’ 

Then suddenly Sirius’s teeth, his mouth and his hands were gone. He looked at Remus, his hair ruffled, his lips red, and his shirt slightly askew and then abruptly turned and left the room. 

Remus wasn’t sure whether he wanted to laugh or to be sick. He settled on both. 

After throwing up pretty copiously, Remus washed his mouth out, did a teeth cleaning charm (never as satisfying as the real thing) and splashed his face again. Looking at himself in the mirror, he saw that he too looked decidedly worse for wear, he ran a hand through his hair and straightened his shirt, taking the opportunity to look at his bite mark. Sirius hadn’t drawn blood but it was already forming, what would undoubtedly be, a spectacular, very recognisable bite. Remus smiled and ran his finger over it. Consciously or not, Sirius had bitten him in a place Remus’s shirt normally covered. With his shirt straightened, there was no sign of the mark at all. 

Remus smiled and left the bathroom, planning on getting Sirius on his own so they could talk about this, or, he smiled again, at least repeat it. 

The smile fell from his face as his eyes landed on Sirius. He was sat on one of the red armchairs, Manon sat on his lap, whispering something in his ear, his hand clearly somewhere it had no place being. 

Remus stared at them. Sirius who was evidently not paying attention to Manon met his eyes and stared back. That was enough. This had gone on too long.

‘Sirius,’ Remus approached the pair. ‘Sirius, I need to talk to you, right now.’

‘Fuck off Moony,’ Sirius said cooly. ‘I’m busy.’

Manon laughed her high piercing laugh.

‘You know what,’ Sirius said, looking at her. ‘You can fuck off as well.’

He stood up abruptly, causing Manon to fall to the ground, rather less gracefully than her normal movements. 

‘Ai! What’s your problem, Jackass!’ 

Sirius looked down at her, a look of cool contempt that would make Mother Black proud on his face. ‘I’m so fucking bored of you,’ he said, imperiously, and stepped over her.

‘Va te faire foutre!’ she screamed. ‘Go fuck yourself! Ugh!’ Angry tears were welling in her eyes. He didn’t even look at her but grabbed a little tin Remus knew contained gillyweed out of his bag and climbed out the common room. 

The common room was silent, making Remus painfully aware that the whole room had been watching them. Manon, whose tears were streaming down her face now, got up off the floor and to the corner of where her girlfriends stood who huddled around her supportively.

To his credit, James, who had been speaking with Lily, hesitated only for a second and dived out of the portrait hole after Sirius.

Remus sighed, briefly considered throwing up again, but decided just to go upstairs to bed.


	8. Chapter 8

Sirius woke to a horrendous hangover. His head was pounding and his eyes felt dry and swollen like he’d been smoking a shit-ton of weed or crying his eyes out. 

Sirius rubbed his eyes, moving very slowly. He vaguely remembered smoking a lot. Up in the astronomy tower. James had been there, he’d been asking Sirius to tell him what was wrong. What had been wrong? He’d stormed out. Manon had been in the common room. He’d broken it off with her, but why had he been so annoyed with her? She’d been laughing at someone. She’d been laughing at- Oh no, Moony! They’d kissed. Moony had kissed him, no wait, Sirius had kissed Moony and – Sirius groaned – it had been so fucking –

No, Sirius was not going to finish that thought. You weren’t supposed to make-out with your friend. Sirius and Moony were friends. Sirius wasn’t going to throw that all away so he could sleep with Moony. _Was that what he wanted? To sleep with Moony?_ He knew that was what Moony wanted. But no, Sirius did not want that, he definitely didn’t want to do that. Sirius didn’t want to fuck up their friendship just so he could shag Moony. He wasn’t even gay, he liked girls. Not like Moony, Moony was in love with Sirius, so Sirius had to be the sensible one for once, the one who protected their friendship.

_This isn’t protecting your friendship_ said a snide voice in Sirius’s head. _You’ve already fucked that up. Moony hates you now. Well done Sirius Black, got what you wanted didn’t you, no more werewolf in love with you._

‘Fuck this,’ Sirius said out loud and got up. He just wasn’t going to think about it. At least not right now. 

***

Sirius spent the next few days trying very hard not to think about Remus. He wanted distracting and with Manon now out the picture, he tried his charm on a variety of other girls he’d been ignoring. His heart wasn’t really in it though, he’d find himself getting bored while flirting with a sixth-year Ravenclaw or half way through making out with a Gryffindor fifth-year his mind would suddenly remember Remus’s hands in his hair, Remus’s open lips, Remus pushing him backwards. 

The more he thought about Remus, the less he spoke to him or even looked at him. He knew it was stupid, he knew he was hurting Remus, but it had gone so far now, he didn’t know how to stop it.   
One morning, over breakfast, Sirius, James and Peter were sitting next to Lily and her friends when Remus came in late, looked around for a moment and then, sighing, took the only spare seat, right next to Sirius. Pretending not to notice, Sirius focussed on his toast, acutely aware of the warmth of Remus’s leg so close to his. Sirius felt an urge to touch Remus, to move his leg slightly to press against him, to speak to him again, anything. 

Sirius was concentrating so hard on not thinking about Remus that when they both reached for the milk at the same time and their hands touched, Sirius flinched back. 

Remus looked like he was about to cry. 

‘Fuck you Sirius.’ He said quietly and stood up and left, leaving a startled Sirius behind trying to say how it wasn’t that, it wasn’t Remus, it wasn’t anything but with no words came out. 

‘What was that about?’ Lily said sharply.

‘That was fucking harsh mate,’ said James who had seen Sirius’s reaction. 

‘What was harsh?’ Lily said, looking between the boys. 

James and Sirius said nothing and Lily let out an exasperated ‘ugh’ and went after Remus. 

James leaned over and whispered angrily. ‘He’s not gonna jump you just cos he likes you, dickhead. What the fuck is wrong with you?’ James got up. ‘Come on Peter, lets find Moony,’ and the two left, leaving Sirius alone.

***

Later that evening Lily climbed through the portrait of the old knight eating a quail into the dimly lit room behind. She straightened up and cleared her throat loudly.

The noise caught the couple off guard. The girl jumped and detached herself from Sirius’s lips, colour quickly rising in her face. 

‘Oh, um, hi Lily.’ It was a fifth year Hufflepuff girl in the Slug Club with Lily. Lily had thought she’d had better taste. 

‘Oh, it’s you Suzanne, do you mind giving me and Black a minute.’

‘Sure, I have to get back anyway,’ said Suzanne. ‘I’ll see you later then Sirius... um bye then.’

‘Yeah, bye,’ said Sirius not looking at her but glaring angrily at Lily. ‘What?’

Lily waited for Suzanne to leave and rounded on Sirius. ‘You’re a bastard Black! And a hypocrite.’

‘What are you talking about Evans, it’s too late in the evening to guess what new thing I’ve done to upset the perfect world of Gryffindor’s perfect prefect.’ Sirius drawled lazily.

‘Oh grow up, Black, I’m talking about Remus. He’s meant to be your best friend and now one little dare and you haven’t spoken to him since.’

‘What?’ said Sirius for a third time. His drawl gone, clearly shocked. ‘How do you know about that, did James? I’m going to murder him!’

‘It wasn’t James, idiot, it was Remus who told me.’

‘What? Remus?’

‘Stop saying what. He can still talk to some of his friends you know. Anyway, enough about how I know, I know. And you are a fucking hypocrite. You’ve spent the last five years calling me a bitch everytime I get pissed off at Potter for forcing how much he likes me down my throat and basically stalking me and scaring off every boyfriend I’ve had, so now even if I did like him, I could never tell him cos it’d be like saying all that behaviour was ok. I wasn’t being a bitch, Black, I’m allowed to say no to him. And Remus hasn’t done any of that to you, he didn’t even want to tell you.’ Her voice was raised, almost shouting.

‘It’s different,’ retorted Sirius huffily.

‘How is it different? Cos I’m a girl? So obviously I’m just playing hard to get?’

‘No, it’s not that. I think you can say no to James, Evans. It’s just different is all.’

‘It’s not different. If anything, it’s worse. You’ve basically been leading him on for ages, constantly joking about marrying him and always play fighting and touching him and... Holy shitting fuck’, something in Sirius’s increasingly agonised look stopped her in her tracks. ‘Oh, crap, You’re not mad at Remus for liking you, you’re mad at yourself, cos you _like_ him.’

Sirius’s look was half agony, half pleading. 

‘Shit,’ Lily said. 

‘Shit,’ Sirius agreed. 

‘You’ve still been a dick,’ she said, more softly. 

‘Yeah,’ said Sirius looking like he might be sick. 

‘You have to tell him.’

‘Yeah,’ there were definitely green tinges to Sirius’s cheeks now.

‘I don’t get why you’ve been such a dick to him.’

‘I’m just shit at this.’

‘Why haven’t you just spoken to him?’

‘I’m gonna fuck it up.’ Sirius sighed. ‘I have fucked it up.’

Lily shook her head. ‘It’s not too late. God knows why, but Remus really likes you.’ 

There was a pause as the two stood both contemplating this revelation.

Lily broke the silence first. ‘Sirius, you know I won’t tell anyone right?’ 

‘Thanks, Evans,’ he replied.

‘Right, well then’ Lily said lamely and turned back to the portrait-hole. Sirius’s voice stopped her as she pushed the portrait open. 

‘Hey, Lily, how’d you know where to find me?’

Lily looked a little embarrassed. ‘I may have borrowed this’, she explained producing an innocuous looking folded piece of old parchment from her pocket.

‘Our map!’ exclaimed Sirius indignantly. ‘What? How do you even..?’

‘This one Potter did give away. I hexed him repeatedly last year until he told me how he always knew where I was. I’m impressed, its pretty good magic, the tracking charms are insane, even if you did put in all this effort just so James could stalk me.’ 

‘It’s not _just_ for stalking you, Lily’ Sirius grinned. ‘You know, he’s changed a lot since last year with the whole Snape thing. And, he won’t wait for ever. I’m all for teaching him a lesson and like being principled and everything, but, I don’t know, it’s a bit shit to lose something great just cos you’re too stubborn to admit you changed your mind.’

Lily looked at Sirius, a curious impression on her face. ‘You’re not half as butt-headed as you look, Black.’ She turned and climbed back out of the portrait. 

***

It took Sirius five days to bring himself to talk to Remus. In the meantime, Remus spent even less time with the Marauders, often opting to go to the library or hang out with Lily. James hardly had time to notice. He was spending most of his time on the Quidditch pitch. Beauxbatons and Durmstrang still had to play, but, with luck Hogwarts would make the final and Gwenog was adamant they must be prepared.

Since talking to Lily, Sirius gave up the harem of girls he’d been putting together since dropping Manon. Mainly he just tried to avoid them. _Turns out I’m a bit of a coward_ he thought grimly to himself after pulling Wormtail into a secret passage in order to avoid Suzanne. He and Wormtail had been spending an increasing amount of time together. It was unusual for the two of them. Although they had ostensibly been friends since first year, they never really spent much time alone together, both of them preferring the company of Remus and James. With those two preoccupied, Peter and Sirius sulked, trying to keep up the Marauder spirit but, more often than not, wandering down to the quidditch grounds to watch James fly or studying in the common room. It was times like those that Sirius realised he didn’t actually have that many friends. The realisation came as a shock to him, he’d been one of the most popular boys in school for years but, when it came down to it there were only two people he really cared about hanging out with. 

Sirius didn’t dislike Peter, he just didn’t respect him. How could you respect someone who’s animagus was a rat, Sirius sometimes thought to himself. He knew he could be too hard on Peter but he’d never been as good as Remus, or even James, at being kind to people he didn’t respect. Without the other two he doubted he and Peter would have ever been friends at all. 

In the end, it was the prospect of another evening studying with Peter that gave Sirius the final push into telling Remus. After dinner, James, Peter and Sirius had trudged up to Gryffindor tower, James only stopping to grab his broom. With James gone, Peter turned to Sirius and asked ‘so, Transfiguration first or Potions?’

‘Potions’ Sirius sat down at the table, got out a scroll of parchment, a quill and his textbook and stopped. _Since when does Sirius Black do his homework a week in ADVANCE?_ He leapt up. Peter jumped, scrawling ink across his page.

‘I can’t do this.’ Sirius said.

‘Oh... ‘ Peter was startled, Sirius Black admitting he couldn’t do the homework. ‘I’m sure Lily will help you later if you ask her.’

Sirius stared at him confused but didn’t bother to ask what he meant. He bounded away from the table and up the stairs to the dormitory.

‘Where is it? Where is it?’ he muttered to himself rifling through James’s trunk, spare socks and chocolate frog cards flying everywhere.

‘Aha!’ he cried out loud. Standing, map in hand. Drawing his wand he said ‘I solemnly swear I am up to no good.’ 

The map came to life. Scanning the map Sirius searched, starting with the library, the quidditch pitch, the Great Hall. There! In a corridor on the fifth floor, two sets of footprints, one marked Lily Evans, followed by a tiny pink love heart (Merlin James was such a loser), and the other, Remus Lupin. 

Armed with the map, and grabbing the invisibility cloak, Sirius hurried from the room. 

He caught them on the staircase leading to the third floor. He hurried up behind them, trying not to make too much noise. Sirius tried to ignore the pounding in his chest, it felt like his heart was trying to thump its way out of his body.

‘Moony’ he whispered in Remus’s ear, tapping him on the shoulder.

Remus jumped a foot in the air. Spinning round he stared at the empty corridor where Sirius stood, hidden. 

‘Moony, it’s me!’ Sirius whispered again and saw in Remus eyes that he had understood.

‘Are you alright, Remus?’ Lily looked half amused, half concerned.

‘Yeah, yeah I’m fine!’ Sometimes Moony was such a terrible actor, thought Sirius. His voice had come out strangely high and loud, as far from fine as you could imagine. How he managed to keep such secrets was a mystery. Sirius giggled, feeling giddy. 

Lily raised her eyebrows.

Remus cleared his throat and said in a much deeper voice, far deeper than his regular tone. ‘I’m fine, Lily, just thought felt something, it’s nothing.’

‘Moony, I need to talk to you.’ Sirius was actually dragging Remus’s hand now or attempting to. 

‘Remus are you-’ Lily looked concerned.

‘I have to go,’ Remus interrupted. ‘I... errr... I forgot something… I forgot my bag,’ he said, while fiddling nervously with said bag’s strap. ‘... errr … of sweets! My bag of sweets.’ And with that he turned and followed Sirius’s tugging hand away. Lily smiled to herself, shaking her head, and set off back to Gryffindor tower. 

Sirius, meanwhile, had successfully pulled Remus into an empty classroom, and pulled off the cloak.  
‘What’s going on Sirius?’ Remus began to ask. But Sirius interrupted him with a kiss. Sirius’ lips pressed against Remus’s, for a moment the two boys were completely still. Then Remus pulled away. ‘Sirius, what is this?’

‘I’m so sorry Moony,’ Sirius mumbled, pulling Remus in again, his mouth nuzzling into Remus’s neck. ‘I’ve been such a twat.’

‘But, what does this mean, do you like me now?’ Remus was finding it hard to think with Sirius’s teeth grazing where his neck met his collarbone. 

‘What the fuck do you think, Moony?’ and Sirius growled into Remus’s ear. ‘Isn’t it obvious?’ He nipped it. ‘Course I fucking fancy you.’ 

Sirius’s hands had reached up into Remus’s hair, pulling the slightly taller boy closer, and kissed him full on the mouth again. Remus reached out to Sirius too, entwining one hand in Sirius’s hair, wrapping his fingers through it. Sirius’s tongue was pushing Remus’s lips open, and Remus felt himself groan or growl slightly in response. Sirius’s hands were moving now, one on his neck, the other feeling its way down Remus’s back. Remus’s head rolled back and Sirius bit and kissed his way along Remus’s neck again and then Remus froze. He had felt Sirius’s hands at the buckle of his jeans, undoing the button. 

‘No.’ Remus said suddenly.

‘Huh?’ Sirius looked up at him, his eyes dark, stormy grey. 

‘No, I, I can’t do this.’ Remus stepped away from Sirius. ‘I don’t want this’. Remus’s eyes were squeezed closed trying to clear his head.

‘...oh’ Sirius said, not in any of his normal voices. He sounded like a little kid again. 

Remus flickered his eyes open. Sirius looked sad, deflated even. 

‘I don’t mean I don’t want you Pads,’ Remus said. ‘I just...’ Merlin it was hard to talk about feelings sometimes. ‘I just, I’ve really missed you Sirius. Like really missed you.’

‘I missed you too Moony.’ 

‘And I can’t do that again Pads. I can’t just be your entertainment for a few weeks and then you avoid me when you get bored of it or freaked out by it. I’ve seen what you’re like. I need you too much to mess it up like this.’

‘But it wouldn’t be like that. It couldn’t be like that.’ 

‘It’s always like that, Sirius, with you.’

Sirius looked a bit desperate.

‘Not with you.’

Remus sighed, and made to leave the classroom, Sirius said something too quietly to hear just as he was turning the door handle. 

‘What?’ Remus asked, turning around. 

Sirius was looking at the floor, avoiding Remus’s gaze. ‘I said, I’m in love with you, you idiot.’

And Remus, whose will power was already working overtime to get him to stop kissing Sirius, gave in. He strode back across the room, and grabbed Sirius, pushing him back, lips locked together, until Sirius’s back was against the wall. The two boys kissed for a long time. 

Late, very late, in the night, they made their way back, slowly and under the cloak, to their dormitory. Sirius climbed into Remus’s bed, despite Remus’s whispered objections that it wasn’t good roommate etiquette. Sirius promised he would only stay a minute, snuggled round Remus’s arm, and promptly fell fast asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

‘You arsehole!’ James Potter roared, dragging Sirius out of Remus’s bed. Sirius, somewhat sleepily, used James’s momentum against him and rammed him backwards, until he tripped. The two boys wrestled for a few minutes, until James, emerged on top, wand against Sirius’s neck, saying ‘arsehole, arsehole, arsehole’. 

‘What have I done now Prongs?’ Said Sirius, mid-yawn. 

‘You stay out of his bed, stop bloody flirting if you’re not interested, Black.’ 

Sirius smirked. ‘Who says I’m not interested?’

Remus, from his bed, groaned, turned bright red and pulled a pillow over his head. 

James looked, bewildered, between the two of them. ‘Merlin’s saggy balls, you two weren’t, were you?’

Remus groaned even louder and pulled his duvet up to cover the pillow. Sirius just smirked again and said ‘If you’ll kindly get off me then, Potter.’ And Sirius made to move James’s wand away from his throat. 

‘Oh no you don’t,’ cried James, decisiveness returning to his voice. ‘If you hurt him Padfoot, if you just ditch him for the next girl, boy, whatever, that takes your fancy, if you so much as look at anyone else, I swear on my Nimbus, I will hunt you down and curse you so badly that your dick will fall off.’ James jabbed his wand into Sirius’s throat to underline his point. 

‘What about if he hurts me, eh?’ Sirius feigned outrage. ‘What about my poor heart? Thought you were _my_ best friend Prongs!’

‘Ha!’ James scoffed. 

‘REMUS LUPIN!’ A roar came from the direction of the Common Room.

‘Oh shit!’ Remus scrambled for a watch and groaned when he saw the time.

‘Was that-‘ Sirius began. 

‘Lily!’ James managed to squeal. 

The boys heard the sounds of someone stamping their way up the staircase. James squealed again and ran to the mirror, rapidly trying to sort out his morning hair. Remus hastily started pulling on socks and some jeans. Sirius alone seemed unfazed and turned to Remus, ‘what’s going on?’

Lily burst into the room. James grabbed a hat and jammed it on his head. Unfortunately it was Peter’s Christmas hat and with a loud squawk it transformed into red party hat, with James’s hair sticking unflatteringly out either side. 

Lily rolled her eyes and rounded on Remus. ‘Remus Lupin! I’ve been waiting for you for forty-five minutes! Dorcas and Alice have already gone!’ 

‘Yes, yes, I’m sorry, Lily, I’m coming now, just let me grab a jumper.’ Remus reached under his bed. 

‘Wait, what’s going on? Where are you going?’ whined Sirius. 

‘Oh I told Lily I’d go with her to Hogsmeade.’

‘With Dorcas and Alice! Forty-five minutes ago!’ Lily interrupted angrily.

‘You’re going to Hogsmeade?’ James sounded incredulous. ‘With Lily?’

‘Yes, now if I could just find-‘

‘Well, if you’re going, I’m going.’ Sirius turned to his bed and grabbed some trousers, pulling them on. 

‘No-one wants you there Black,’ Lily responded.

‘Well…’ said Remus smiling, standing up with a jumper in his hands, ‘I actually do.’

‘What?’ said Lily.

‘You see Lily, I’m his boyfriend,’ said Sirius with a smirk. Remus’s stomach did a backflip. 

‘What?!’ said Lily and James.

‘What?’ came Peter’s voice from the bathroom doorway, where he was peering round the doorway while trying to dry his hair with a towel.

Remus ignored them. ‘And you know,’ a mischievous glint entered his voice, ‘James and Sirius can’t do anything separately.’

James stared at him for a second then suddenly his face erupted into a disbelieving grin, ‘Yep! Yep, I’m coming too!’ 

Lily stared from boy to boy exasperated. ‘Ugh, Fine! But we leave now.’

‘I have to sort my hair-‘ James started to say but Lily interrupted. ‘Now!’ and she turned and left the dorm. 

‘Sure thing Evans, you’re the boss,’ and James took after her. Sirius grabbed some shoes and turned to Remus, ‘shall we?’ 

‘Wait! I’m not dressed yet!’ squealed Peter.

‘You’ll have to catch us up,’ said Sirius and he took Remus by the hand and pulled him out the door. Remus mouthed a hurried ‘Sorry!’ at Peter and left.

***

It was a beautifully crisp, sunny day as the four made their way down to Hogsmeade. 

Once they left the gates, Remus felt Sirius’s hand brush against his and he hurriedly put his in his pocket and blushed. Sirius gave him a quizzical look but didn’t push it, instead bounding off to shout something at James. 

As the neared the village Sirius and Remus hung back, meandering slowly along the cobbled streets as James and Lily, who seemed to actually be having a conversation, got further and further away. 

‘Oh shit!’ said Sirius suddenly. Remus looked up and there was Manon coming down the street with Gwenog Jones. Remus was just about to say he didn’t know they were friends when Sirius pulled Remus’s arm and dragged him suddenly down an alley. 

Sirius giggled as the two girls passed, not noticing them, his hand still wrapped around Remus’s wrist. 

Slowly Sirius stood up and looked at Moony, his expression changed from laughing to something more serious, more intense. Sirius stepped closer to him and Remus stepped backwards until his back was against the wall. 

Sirius stepped closer again, one hand on the wall behind Remus, the other released Remus’ wrist and brushed a strand of Remus’s hair out of his face. 

‘What are you doing Sirius?’ Remus said quietly. 

‘What do you think?’ Sirius responded in a low murmur. 

He kissed Remus, softly and deeply. Remus wanted to melt into it but instead he broke the kiss. 

‘We can’t, someone will see.’ 

Sirius laughed, still standing close to Remus, his eyes watching his fingers softly running over Remus’s lips. ‘So? Let them,’ he said. ‘I don’t care.’

Remus stared at him for a second. 

‘You don’t care?’

‘That’s right Moony, I don’t care,’ said Sirius, leaning in and kissing Remus again, but Remus broke it off once more, pushing Sirius slightly off him. 

‘But then… Why…?’ Remus asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

‘Why what Moony?’ Sirius asked, still looking at Remus’s lips with that same hungry expression.  
Remus took a deep breath. 

‘If you don’t care that people know you’re gay or bi or whatever, then why did you, you know,’ Remus paused and then the words came out all at once. ‘Whydidyounotspeaktomeforweeks?’

Finally, Sirius stepped back and ran his fingers through his hair, looking embarrassed. 

‘Oh Merlin, Moony, I don’t know.’ 

Remus felt that he may as well say it all now they’d come so far. ‘You don’t know why you cut me out of your life for weeks while you had your crisis of sexuality but are now completely over it?’

Sirius looked decided uncomfortable now. ‘I wasn’t having a crisis about my sexuality.’

Remus raised his eyebrows pointedly.

Sirius put his hands up in mock-surrender. ‘Ok, well maybe I was a little bit, but that wasn’t really why I couldn’t speak to you, Moons.’

He paused but Remus didn’t say anything so Sirius sighed and continued. ‘I was scared I was gonna lose you, you know, as a friend. I was trying to, I don’t know, protect our friendship. Fuck it, Moony, I’m sorry, alright.’

‘You cut me out of your life, you ignored me for weeks, because you were trying to make sure we stayed friends?’ Remus asked incredulously. 

Sirius shrugged, and looked at the ground.

Suddenly Remus could help laughing. ‘You absolute wanker.’ He said, playfully hitting Sirius in the stomach. ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ He punctuated each word with another soft punch to Sirius’s side. Sirius was grinning too now and trying to defend himself. He grabbed Remus’s arms and the two boys wrestled in the narrow alleyway until Remus had Sirius pinned against the other wall. 

‘You need some serious therapy.’ Remus murmured into Sirius lips as he kissed him. 

‘I know,’ Sirius growled back into Remus’ mouth. Then he pushed Remus back slightly so their foreheads were touching but Sirius could look Remus in the eyes. 

‘I’m sorry,’ he said very earnestly. ‘I fucking love you Remus Lupin.’


End file.
